Friday, January 31, 2014

Home is not a location (flashback 8)

After spending 3 months in the city about which I've always dreamed, I had no idea what to do with's similar to that moment after you've finished reading a prolifically profound book, fully engaged and wrapped up in its plot and characters, and have absolutely no idea how to feel or what to do with yourself.

How do I go on after having to leave London, a place that felt like home?

I realized, though, as I waited in customs at 1:37AM, texting Lovely and Mummy and announcing to the world via Facebook and Twitter that I had arrived back in the states, that maybe London was my temporary home and maybe London will be my future home, but home was waiting for me outside the gates of Newark International.

First US brekkie with Lovely since my return

Home was in the snow.

Home drove 7 hours in the snow in what should have been a 3 hour drive in order to pick me up from the airport... Home is not where we make it, but in whom we create it.

I had come back to the states and cried as I struggled in the snow with my clumsy, overly-stuffed suitcases and broken sewn-back-together laptop case. As soon as I hit the doors, I was frantically moving, not caring if I fell and ate the pavement. I saw his car, I was running as fast as my chubby legs and filled arms could carry move across the icy sidewalks.

This isn't a Nicholas Sparks novel, though. This is my life. While I think of my life as a comedy (and a far cry from the romantic comedy unless they're the ones in which the heroine discovers herself and her friends get the guys), this is no Hollywood film or scripted story. This night felt so damn right, though. We even grabbed McDonald's (what else is open at 2AM??) and shared a Rated-PG night at a Super 8, resisting the fatigue setting in after all of the excitement.

Life is grand, isn't it, when one is in love? As I have learned, you have to love and trust yourself in order to fully love another and it was this, and my disdain for my shortcomings and the sadness that ensued from leaving Europe and gaining so much weight that withdrew me from my old self and much of the world, struggling to see past the seemingly mundane when I had to go back and face reality at college without him there.

Rang in 2014 with the best

It sucked and resulted in me breaking up with my solid rock, only increasing my sadness, but also increasing my determination to lose the weight and find happiness here in the states by transferring my love of travel into positive energy (I swear I'm not a hippie).

Posts on summer travels to follow!! I finally surpassed number of states visited over number of foreign countries this summer!

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