Tuesday, July 26, 2016

I'll never be like [blank]

{and that's okay}

In speaking, on separate occasions, to friends and coworkers, I am guilty of the comparison-trap, the measuring-up against others to gauge my own self-worth. As a young teenager and now, as a young woman, I still find myself prey to these silly notions of being worthwhile.

All too often our perceptions of how others see us is distorted by our own self perceptions and current mood/state of mind.

Looking into the mirror {on the rare occasion I'm not simply applying makeup or making sure my shirt isn't on inside-out}, it's a rarity I don't find something to scrutinize, something I tell myself I should fix ASAP - it's a pitfall of mine, one I make an effort to adjust every single day.

Lately, I've been half-wishing I could be someone else for a day or have someone else take over my body while I doggie-paddle in my own negativity pool, zombie-walking through life, but during brief glimpse of light, have begun to ask myself why? Why do you want to be like someone else? Why change everything about you that makes you you?

The way we see and value ourselves can be a dangerous plight, one extreme {self-worthlessness} to the other {narcissism and selfishness} both damaging to the individual and those surrounding.

In this crazy life, I know I'll never be as skinny nor as pretty as the skinniest or prettiest girl, but I have worth - something I'm having to remind myself when I'm feeling caught on this hamster wheel of burnout, stress, and isolation in my self-doubt and feelings...

While comparing oneself is typically not healthy, healthy/positive attribute comparisons are certainly not a bad thing.

I want to strive to be as kind as my friend Heidi, as caring as my Mummy, as passionate about my career as Tree, as hardworking as Superman, as strong as my Nana.

One day, I'll get there. One baby step at a time with some buffalo wings thrown in there... Luckily, I have a broken record of kind words from loving and supportive friends and family.

And when all else fails, kitty snuggles never disappoint.


Friday, July 22, 2016

Academia, furries, and black holes

Looking at little Theo, it's hard to believe it's been nearly 2 weeks since the little velociraptor first hissed at me....and now likes to be my best bud, still a little apprehensive of others, but a changed kitten since our first encounter.

The little cuppy-cake is fitting in quite well with this little chocolate muffin - they're taken quite a liking to one another and I'm just hoping when the time comes to give him up for a good home, the parting won't be too difficult, albeit Theo has already stolen my heart.

Even more so than traveling, I believe I have found my calling: giving love and care to sweet kitties and giving them a second chance like Theo. He's certainly a sweet little fur baby who needed special attention to bring out his lovable side.

Loki remains the baby of the group with his jealous tendencies and need for "Mumma time." This little boo was giving some lovey before I went off to start my first class of the first term of this MBA program, the Legal Environment of Business. Ironically enough, Internet Marketing is an online course {which was great, considering I'm just getting back into the swing of things with school}.

Class is going well - 2 weeks in and I'm staying on top of my assignments much better than I thought I would while juggling a job that often demands 50hrs/week in order to meet the needs of our customer aka have enough people on the shift who know the job and know it well in order to accomplish everything needed to be done.

In lieu of the enjoyment I'm having being a student again {oh, how I've missed being in the classroom!!} and receiving so much kitten love and snuggles, too frequently I've found myself ambling along the path of helplessness and feeling lost. Loosely planning a trip for my birthday in October seems to significantly boost my mood, but only temporarily as I look ahead at the possibility of still being in a position in which I dread even going to work.

Depression is not a light matter and should not be taken as such.

I feel as though I'm stuck in this career rut, yet perhaps many others my age feel the same way after accepting a job that offered decent pay for what they thought would be a way to earn experience to post on paper in the hopes of eventually reaching the end goal of a fulfilling and satisfying career path.

Feelings of stagnation are ever present, looming like a dark cloud as I lose hope in the chances I'll stumble upon another great opportunity {for this one was great, merely not what I wanted to do}. Knowing that I dread my job and the various tasks associated with it has only drained my psyche and that drive sometimes feels all but shriveled up inside....

Where is that girl with fire? ...passion? ...a sense of pride in what she does?

I'm slowly dying inside with every wasted minute - wasted in the sense that I am not enthusiastic nor believe in what I am doing anymore. Career stagnation and feeling the strain of the sacrifices made for a job I've slowly begun to refer to as "hell" are only continuing to mentally and psychologically drain me...

Perhaps there is an end is sight with recent job application submissions... For now, I'll be rotting toiling my life away, making feverish attempts at staying afloat in the drowning of swirling thoughts and emotions, constantly reminding myself there is an end in sight.


Monday, July 11, 2016

Flowers and shell-shocked kittens

Temporary halt on production....

Anticipation is mounting with the start of classes starting this week {have I mentioned how excited I am??} and also a bit sleep-deprived from all of the excitement of the past few days off. Hello, Breaking Benjamin & Disturbed!

Returning home from the long trek up to Niagara Falls, a little nap was needed, plus some snuggles with the babies before I went in for work on Monday.

It's always so tough to go back to reality after such a lovely time away...how do you combat these reluctance to come back from cloud 9 of wanderlust?

Coming home to a bouquet of flowers and a note after running errands certainly helped! {perhaps less, or even in-, significant to some, but as I had never received flowers from a boy before.....}

Combined with these lovely roses, to tackle the onset of wanderlust blues, I've taken on a new warden: Superman and his grandfather found a kitty mumma and her kittens. This particular one made the mistake {or perhaps fortune} of being captured. Newly Christened "Theo" received a nice, long bath to rid him of dirt and debris and yucky fleas and then promptly took a nap all snug like a bug in a warm, cozy rug.

....this was after he screeched like a velociraptor and hissed so emphatically that he >popped< at the end like a big bubble. Poor thing sure was frightened and quite confused about everything and anything near him.

>what the hell is you doing to meh?<

<what is that thing in front of my face, large object restraining me?<

Eventually, he stopped hissing at me and making me jump....

>what are you doing, hooman? why are your lips on me?<

Theo is like many men: the key to their heart is food.

Little tiger was hungry and wouldn't eat from Athena and Loki's bowls so I hand-fed him to win his little heart over. Loki and Athena play so hard together that they didn't spend much time on whom they viewed as a little foreigner to them.

Hidden, fed, and {thank goodness} a quick learner at using the litter box, Theo was A-okay while I continued my time off with a crazy night of music in Virginia with some fun peeps.

Blurred lines of chaos and pure bliss - oh, how I've missed the rush of a brilliant rock show! Truthfully, I was a little bummed I missed one of Small Town Titans local shows whilst I was out of town as they seem to be occurring so infrequently as of late since they returned from tour....

...however, Breaking Benjamin and Disturbed {and a PokemonGo-entertained car ride to Virginia with some kickass people} was a fantastic show and I was quite thrilled to have been invited along ^_^

Here's to more adventures, rock shows, and kitty tales {tails}!


Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Two is Better than One

I'm well on my way of becoming a crazy cat lady....kitty #2 is already well-adjusted to my little one-bedroom apartment.

My jealous Loki bear did not seem to appreciate me bringing home a friend, especially after being so spoiled in my care. Poor baby had to be locked out of my bedroom so little Athena and I could sleep....

This little nugget left a nice present on my bed right after this picture... Kitties aren't without their surprises.

I'm hoping these two muffins will become the best of kitty friends...after the sniffing and hissing is all finished...

For now, nap time is about the only thing they can agree upon, but at least it provides a bit of solace while I spend time snuggling these two babies and making them play nice.

Miss Athena is all about snuggles and giving kisses!