Friday, July 22, 2016

Academia, furries, and black holes

Looking at little Theo, it's hard to believe it's been nearly 2 weeks since the little velociraptor first hissed at me....and now likes to be my best bud, still a little apprehensive of others, but a changed kitten since our first encounter.

The little cuppy-cake is fitting in quite well with this little chocolate muffin - they're taken quite a liking to one another and I'm just hoping when the time comes to give him up for a good home, the parting won't be too difficult, albeit Theo has already stolen my heart.

Even more so than traveling, I believe I have found my calling: giving love and care to sweet kitties and giving them a second chance like Theo. He's certainly a sweet little fur baby who needed special attention to bring out his lovable side.

Loki remains the baby of the group with his jealous tendencies and need for "Mumma time." This little boo was giving some lovey before I went off to start my first class of the first term of this MBA program, the Legal Environment of Business. Ironically enough, Internet Marketing is an online course {which was great, considering I'm just getting back into the swing of things with school}.

Class is going well - 2 weeks in and I'm staying on top of my assignments much better than I thought I would while juggling a job that often demands 50hrs/week in order to meet the needs of our customer aka have enough people on the shift who know the job and know it well in order to accomplish everything needed to be done.

In lieu of the enjoyment I'm having being a student again {oh, how I've missed being in the classroom!!} and receiving so much kitten love and snuggles, too frequently I've found myself ambling along the path of helplessness and feeling lost. Loosely planning a trip for my birthday in October seems to significantly boost my mood, but only temporarily as I look ahead at the possibility of still being in a position in which I dread even going to work.

Depression is not a light matter and should not be taken as such.

I feel as though I'm stuck in this career rut, yet perhaps many others my age feel the same way after accepting a job that offered decent pay for what they thought would be a way to earn experience to post on paper in the hopes of eventually reaching the end goal of a fulfilling and satisfying career path.

Feelings of stagnation are ever present, looming like a dark cloud as I lose hope in the chances I'll stumble upon another great opportunity {for this one was great, merely not what I wanted to do}. Knowing that I dread my job and the various tasks associated with it has only drained my psyche and that drive sometimes feels all but shriveled up inside....

Where is that girl with fire? ...passion? ...a sense of pride in what she does?

I'm slowly dying inside with every wasted minute - wasted in the sense that I am not enthusiastic nor believe in what I am doing anymore. Career stagnation and feeling the strain of the sacrifices made for a job I've slowly begun to refer to as "hell" are only continuing to mentally and psychologically drain me...

Perhaps there is an end is sight with recent job application submissions... For now, I'll be rotting toiling my life away, making feverish attempts at staying afloat in the drowning of swirling thoughts and emotions, constantly reminding myself there is an end in sight.


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