I think I'll go to Boston

A fitting song - takes me back to my middle school days....




A beautiful evening spent in the chilly historic city....during my first big driving tour of New England and the impromptu trip through Connecticut and Rhode Island, I still had yet to visit one of the most talked about cities in the Northeastern states {aside from the Big Apple}.

Tree and I had driven through been stuck in the Bostonian traffic en route to Salem three summers ago {has it really been that long?!} but chose to skip the city in order to make decent timing to Salem. Not quite sure Tree remembers as he had been asleep most of the time in the car while I was driving...

Lest I digress...I fell in love with the city: the lights, the harbor, that antiquated vibe from the cobblestones below the skyscrapers, beers a-plenty in a side pub nestled in a side street. If it weren't for the winter snow, I'd be tempted to spend some time here, but, alas, I am quite a baby when it comes to having to drive in the snow {perhaps a literal near-death experience could do that to someone}.

So much historical significance wrapped up in this sweet little city...

Naturally I had to get a dance in with my main squeeze, the namesake of some fine-crafted brews: Sam Adams. He and I casually spun about on the bridge near the harbor of the most famous tea party of all.

Thinking I fit in quite nicely on a street called Sleeper.

Ta-ta for now, fair city and to the legend himself.

xxx

Ownership

Ted Talks - good stuff.

While I had not listened to any motivational speakers, Tree sent one that proved to be a solid need-to-hear topic: extreme ownership. In it, Jocko Willink emphasizes the importance of owning up to things even when outside of your control. Blame does nothing but pass on the torch of responsibility.

Taking ownership of the blunder can be empowering and show others that yeah, sh!t hit the fan, but it won't happen again under your watch because you will ensure it will not.

In my current position, the blame game is prevalent from one shift to another, and, I must admit, I am not entirely exempt from this, too. While impossible to implement a full 180 on attitude adjustment, I have started catching myself to think more critically of what I could have done better in my own decisions and passing on good habits to my team to instill that same sense of self-reflection in them.

Enjoy :)

xxx

Numbers

I did not want to....I sat in that parking lot for more than 20 minutes, arguing on the phone as to why I shouldn't even bother to try, that it will amount to naught, that my efforts will never be enough for myself...yet I made myself get out of that care and my butt into the gym.

Afterwards, did I feel better? No. Honestly, I felt worse. My throat was on fire, I felt cramped under my neoprene sweatsuit and a tad sick after coming out into the cold, drenched in sweat. This morning, I felt accomplished, though.

During my commute home, I was thinking about my conversation on the phone, about my struggle with the stupid numbers on the scale, how long that fight has been going on... 12 years old is too young to be worrying about one's weight or size, yet there I was, struggling internally as my chest began to grow and I grew ever more awkward in my skin.

As a self-reminder, and to those struggling with their own body image and weight - while we may have goals in mind to be at a healthier weight or to tone up our bodies, that number does not define who you are as a person. It may assist in helping us to evaluate if we are within a healthy weight range, but it does not make us a better or worse person for being 5 pounds underweight or 20 pounds overweight.

We are all a work in progress.

xxxx

Loyalty & Self-Esteem

Loyalty, trust, and self-esteem are intricately woven in relation to one another, often with elevations of one leading to a more fortified strengthening in another. If a girl is feeling self-conscious, they may begin to question the loyalty and trust of their partner as they begin that toxic thought-thread of not feeling worthy enough in their own eyes and conclude they are not sufficient in their SO's.

I, too, have fallen victim to this perverse sensation and c'est mauvais. While this can be inherently that person's issue, it becomes a true issue when those thoughts lead to toxic behavior which continues to negatively affect the relationship and infringe upon other's as words of unwarranted unkindness spew out venomously. I try to stay out of drama and away from such people of high toxicity and ugly hearts...

Simply being in proximity of others who are in this sick cycle may influence those who typically feel they can rise above such pettiness. It is not such a terrible act to cut ties with those who inflict such negative ideas and influences if it means being of healthier mind. It does not make one a bad person to look after themselves in order to take care of themselves and to ensure a healthier relationship with those who deserve such a healthy relationship and are removed from the drama of the influencers.

Love yourself, stay positive, and cut out the bad "fat."

xxxx

Motivation and Will

On this journey on which I've been embarking in order to return back to a healthier mindset and build the body confidence. Self-motivation when it comes to losing weight the "right" way aka starting healthy habits, exercising, and eating for fuel, not fasting for punishment....

Integrating new wardrobe pieces and clearing out the old things that either don't fit or don't make me feel good is a great way of metaphorically cleansing the mind as well.

This isn't the cliched New Year, New Me song and dance, of which I'm sure we know so well, but rather clothing myself in some new clothes mixed with the ol' faithful pieces - blending the old and new.

Shop Priceless has some great basics with a twist, such as their Eris tank with a halter accent. And totally took advantage of the big sale from American Eagle for some new black pants for work with a matching tan pair.

Putting in those long hours at work + homework on top of homework may seem like it leaves little time for sleep or fun, let alone the gym, but it's only made me better able to balance my schedule in order to make time to create those much needed endorphins at the end of a hard, sweaty session.

Kick Start may have become my alternative go-to pick-me-up when I don't have time to stop for a Monster....is caffeine addiction a real thing? If that's one of my few vices, then I'm not too bad off.

Long locks with a tailored pants & pumps: can't go wrong. R2 is giving his quiet approval beside my dust-framed visage.

Nine West seriously makes the best classic pointed-toe pumps! I found these navy beauts when I was still at the old apartment, thrifting at the local little shop. While the insides saw a little wear & tear, the outers still remain pristine and one of my favorite pair.

A new pair of trainers can help in motivating one to get their butt back to the gym. Happy feet want to move!! Took these puppies to Planet Fitness after a wildly active shift at work. Blazer for business appeal + trainers for mobility.

The will to get myself to PF still remains a struggle. Part of the fight is getting there with an internal struggle occurring while I fret in the parking lot, feeling embarrassed or unmotivated to take those few, cold steps into the facility.

Superman has helped with that struggle - I often find it much easier to get out right away if he's training me as I know he's going to kick my butt and help distract my anxiety of merely working out in front of people.

Seeing progress pictures helps to keep me going as well.  These photos were taken three years apart. I was embarrassed by so many of my photos after I came back from studying abroad as I was so heavy...I had reached my heaviest point when I came back: 144.5 pounds.

I was ashamed of how I looked and more importantly, how I felt. After spending three of the most life-changing months of my life abroad, I was overweight and rather depressed, forced to find that drive to get me back on track.

Fast-forward from Xmas 2013 to Xmas 2016: down 30lbs with a goal of losing another 10.

I find it incredible how 13lbs can make a difference as well. Summer 2014, when I was running at least 4-5x a week versus January 2017.

Plateaus happen. Sometimes we have to trick our minds into getting creative in order to dig our ways out of the ruts and build ourselves back up, focusing on our goals and on the happy side effects, such as that sweet euphoria after a good weightlifting or HIIT session.

xxxx

Introvert City

An ambivert is someone who displays both qualities of introverts and extroverts. At times, these individuals need that alone time in order to recuperate and recharge as an introvert does, severing themselves from the physical outside world while sometimes allowing the virtual world inside....in a sense.

Although ambiverts may exude both types of qualities, introverts may show extroverted qualities from times to times. Much like other labels, there are stereotypes or "myths," as they are referred to in this lovely article on introverts, which go beyond the characteristics which categorize someone under a particular label.

Perhaps it is due to introverted tendencies which account for my love of solo travel. While others will limit themselves to only doing something if they have a partner in crime, I feel quite capable of running amok on my own - not that I am downplaying the fun that can be had when one has a fellow traveler, not at all.

Alone time grants one the needed mental boost in order to deal with the outside world. Sadly, I've found there still remains a stigma of doing things alone. The article profiles this quite well and brings to mind two questions the author asks: why is it still seen as socially unacceptable to do things by yourself and why is it always presumed that people don't wan to do things alone?

However, introverts will make time for good friends and support them full-heartedly. So happy I got to see my friends in Paradrei and Small Town Titans take the stage! A rock-n-roll show warrants some RnR attire ;)

Friend time is just as important as that alone time...solid, quality social time is not a terrible thing and can be much needed for a different kind of recharge.

While being alone is a key differentiator of introverts, Loki is one presence I never get tired of having. When I've been around people for too long, he provides the perfect companionship without the pressure of having to talk or act in any way at all...

xxxx

Content and safe

At times, I feel all too bogged down by the mundane repetition of the daily work grind and school, having to remind myself of the greater picture of the end results...work is beginning to seem like a great rut with the same outlook on each day: same sh!t, different day. So many times, I have similar thoughts on a repeating loop on my brain. Everything is beginning to look the same to me: idiots with their idiocy as far as these eyes can see.

I'm slowly coming to the realization I'm becoming content with not living my life to the fullest, which, in itself, is a genuine nightmare. This, above nearly all, is one of my greatest fears: to waste my life not living it to its fullest, slaving away at work, merely putting in my hours as I make better use of my efforts to do well in school. While I do still care about what I do at my job, it's increasingly more difficult to not feel discontent as the rat race to catch up and be on alert 24/7 with minimal feeling of satisfaction or meaning...

Kitty snuggles amid the schoolwork and inconsistent work schedules make it all a little better - taking care of my peanut make these current feelings of stagnation a bit more better {and certainly more entertaining}.

He's keeping me motivated as I mix up my days with an increased effort towards working out...better habits to better myself and to help cope with the feelings of plateauing in life.

Purple hair, bold brows, and Bambi eyes. Ready to tackle this new year and work towards that greater picture and a more fulfilling life.

Loki is kind enough to help me look for my sanity when it seems as though insanity is kicking in from working odd hours and dealing with odd problems, day in and day out.

xxx

2k17 & auld lang syne

Quite a trip, 2016 has proved to be.

Thankful for a chance to relax and reflect upon the mayhem of the past year - oh, how quickly it has come and gone, taking with it extraordinary and brilliant people, robbing the world of innocent lives from malicious attacks and natural disasters, and instilling a great sense of unrest and insecurity with the new US President Elect.

However, 2016 has brought with it many joys as well. As we struggle to accept those things which we cannot change, we can celebrate personal accomplishments and not let the hatred of the world consume or change our hearts. {Plus, I'd rather remain non-political for the sake of sensitivity}

Took a last two days of the year to see friends and hold Loki bear close {despite his initial resistance, he loves snuggles}. 

Regardless of one's position of the world, we can all agree this is not always a bright, sunshine-y world in which we live. May 2017 prove a more loving, tolerant year. In the meantime, hold your loved ones close, as much as you can and don't be afraid, but remain steadfast and resilient among the chaos.

Part of growing up is having an inevitable revolving door through which many people will circle with the good ones choosing not to head back out. Grateful for being able to make memories with wondrous people. Boys and faux friends come and go, but friends {especially Katie} always have your back. As Bey would say: tell 'im {or 'em}: boy, bye.

Looking forward to a year of not only promoting love and acceptance, but of self-love and self-care - we have to learn to take care of ourselves in order to continue take care of those we love.

Working on my self-esteem one day at a time and this body-hugging wrap dress certainly helps with that. Intermittent fasting and pushing the envelope on my social anxiety in order to tackle the gym one sweaty session at a time - social anxiety does not have to define you nor detract from your goals.

At the end of the day, when the noise of daily life in the world is too much, love bugs such as Loki are there to share the burden of the accumulation of too much stimuli and strike a lovely look of disdain for the camera to emulate the necessary need for a cool-down and unwinding. {He could also be upset with the current Netflix binge....}

Looking forward to more snuggle sessions with my favorite bum and more side shade.

Happy New Year!

xxx