Loyalty & Self-Esteem

Loyalty, trust, and self-esteem are intricately woven in relation to one another, often with elevations of one leading to a more fortified strengthening in another. If a girl is feeling self-conscious, they may begin to question the loyalty and trust of their partner as they begin that toxic thought-thread of not feeling worthy enough in their own eyes and conclude they are not sufficient in their SO's.

I, too, have fallen victim to this perverse sensation and c'est mauvais. While this can be inherently that person's issue, it becomes a true issue when those thoughts lead to toxic behavior which continues to negatively affect the relationship and infringe upon other's as words of unwarranted unkindness spew out venomously. I try to stay out of drama and away from such people of high toxicity and ugly hearts...

Simply being in proximity of others who are in this sick cycle may influence those who typically feel they can rise above such pettiness. It is not such a terrible act to cut ties with those who inflict such negative ideas and influences if it means being of healthier mind. It does not make one a bad person to look after themselves in order to take care of themselves and to ensure a healthier relationship with those who deserve such a healthy relationship and are removed from the drama of the influencers.

Love yourself, stay positive, and cut out the bad "fat."

xxxx

Introvert City

An ambivert is someone who displays both qualities of introverts and extroverts. At times, these individuals need that alone time in order to recuperate and recharge as an introvert does, severing themselves from the physical outside world while sometimes allowing the virtual world inside....in a sense.

Although ambiverts may exude both types of qualities, introverts may show extroverted qualities from times to times. Much like other labels, there are stereotypes or "myths," as they are referred to in this lovely article on introverts, which go beyond the characteristics which categorize someone under a particular label.

Perhaps it is due to introverted tendencies which account for my love of solo travel. While others will limit themselves to only doing something if they have a partner in crime, I feel quite capable of running amok on my own - not that I am downplaying the fun that can be had when one has a fellow traveler, not at all.

Alone time grants one the needed mental boost in order to deal with the outside world. Sadly, I've found there still remains a stigma of doing things alone. The article profiles this quite well and brings to mind two questions the author asks: why is it still seen as socially unacceptable to do things by yourself and why is it always presumed that people don't wan to do things alone?

However, introverts will make time for good friends and support them full-heartedly. So happy I got to see my friends in Paradrei and Small Town Titans take the stage! A rock-n-roll show warrants some RnR attire ;)

Friend time is just as important as that alone time...solid, quality social time is not a terrible thing and can be much needed for a different kind of recharge.

While being alone is a key differentiator of introverts, Loki is one presence I never get tired of having. When I've been around people for too long, he provides the perfect companionship without the pressure of having to talk or act in any way at all...

xxxx

a blue xmas without you.

Christmas.

There always seems to be this great build-up to the holiday season, with a tendency of people forgetting everything in between Columbus Day and Christmas Eve {how rude to downplay Halloween every year!}. Stores begin stuffing their shelves with red and green around the same time they're hanging up various polyester blend costumes on the racks.

Loki was certainly not in the holiday spirit as we spent Xmas Eve Eve together attempting to make the apartment spotless for Mummy & Fajer. Not quite sure if he was just sick of me or having to pose for cute pictures to send to various people.

In an effort of being a better friend and get into more of the holiday cheerful spirit, I spent the greater part of the night with my dear friend Nicole, enjoying good beer, delicious food, and lovely tunes. Tree was playing at one of my former favorite haunts in E-town, Funk Brewing Company.

My holiday tradition of waking up on Xmas in Victoria Secret flannels was broken as I rang in holiday at work, covering two-3rd shifts Xmas Eve and Xmas night. Fairly slow nights, but gave me some more appreciation for those working in emergency positions for which there are no true holidays - sickness doesn't stop for presents or cheer.

Loki wasn't feeling the cheer and was against his bow, but was patient enough to pose for a picture with his bow on his wrist. He couldn't stand it on his collar.

Luckily, he was more than willing to take time out of his day to snuggle up close to me while I rested in between festivities and work. I'm guessing all the lovin' from my parents really tuckered my sweet fur baby out. While we didn't get the most sleep, they were quality cuddles.

Naturally, I had to document {more for myself than anything} that I was able to dress up a bit in between donning the UHS polo and khakis. Cleaned up fairly well with minimal sleep, no?

Santa deemed a was a good girl this year: beautiful Silpada earrings from Sissy & some bling bling from Superman. Feeling grateful I could spend the holiday with these two, as well as friends and family <3

2016 is coming to a close, but it was one of many blessings amid the trials and tribulations.

Loki poo got some snuggles in with his favorite auntie while I had to bite the dust and head to work for the night....Loki's first Xmas was a success!

More to come ;)

xxxx

Kitten mittens

As likely assumed, I care quite deeply for my sweet, sweet kitten. Amid all of the chaos and business and attempts at holding it together while trying to balance school, a full-time job, and a semi-part-time job, Loki dear always seemed to know just when I needed some extra snuggles while I was home. Whether that was from his own selfish kitty needs, or an animalistic predisposition of reading frantic vibes, I will never know, but I prefer to think it is because he just knows when someone is in need of lovin'.

I promise I'm not trying to convert anyone to being a designated "cat person," albeit this term is still rather harsh....why can't we just be "animal people," as a collective? Yes, indeed-iddly do I love kitty cats, but I'm quite enamored by puppies, rabbits, tortoises, ferrets, squirrels, rats, bearded dragons, geckos..a plethora of other animals. {except centipedes. NOPE NOPE. They can rot in the fiery pits of pest hell}

However, how can one negate how darn cute this snuggle muffin is? He makes it quite difficult to leave, especially as I'm already running short on sleep every night, much to my dismay because he's the best snuggler and I've always been a fan of sleep. {ask my mum - she has pictures of me sleeping in weird places because I would just get tired and call it a day....under the dining room table, under my bed, on the steps, in a laundry basket....}

Love bug has been patient with me as I frantically try to finish homework and projects with the end of my term winding down. He's been the best snuggle partner, the best type of distraction and comforter while I darn-near tore my hair out trying to make sense of these financial equations and formulas...sweet little guy embodies the simple things in life and keeps me grounded.

Saturday nights: while many are out partying, enjoying the festivities of the weekend, most nights I'm snuggled up with Loki, taking silly pictures with him, cheek to cheek. He's becoming accustomed to my antics and his model-status as a class-act model on my Instagram.

Loki and I tried using the Candid Catmera so I could have some cute pictures while I was at work, half-bored, half-crazed out of my mind with the exorbitant amount of year-end projects, but Loki Loke had other ideas. Apparently watching me yank clothes out of my closet in a rushed effort to get ready for work was more appealing than cooperating with the app for some cute pictures.

Waking up with this ball of snuggles has been the real treat of the better part of the year, getting to know his nuances and knowing we'll have one another's backs. Nearly 7 months since I brought my love bug home and my, my, my, what an interesting 7 months it has been.

Squishy face selfies to Mummy and friends are a must. Mummy wuvs her grandfurbaby as he's currently her only grandcreature. Maybe one day there will be little human babies floating around {my nieces & nephews, not my own devil's spawn} with Loki jumping all about amongst the wildlings, but for now, spoiled baby remains the only one between my sissy and I.

xxxx

December is sweater weather

With 2016 soon coming to a halt, as well as winter break from class slowly, but surely, nearing, I find myself yet again reflecting on how quickly time seems to escape us when we're too busy planning for the future. How easily we are befuddled by the next step in our journey, that we may misread signals or signs which may lessen the chaos of the busy times, or even misread our own body/mind's plea for a lifeline...

I have one week of school before break, trying to bargain with the ticking clock of how much time I have left to accomplish so much, all tghe while running on a tank low on genuine fuel, supplemented by copious amounts of the nectar of the caffeine gods aka Monster Zero.

Failed attempts at cleaning {as documented by my dirty mirror selfie above}, foregoing sleep in order to cover shift gaps, squeezing in homework in between naps and work, trying to find time for patient friends who deserve more recognition for their love and support than I can currently give, and making sure to give Loki the snuggles he needs is proving a bit overwhelming...

While everything may seem hunky-dory on the outside, whether that be via social media or how I appeared, near-collapsing at work, falling asleep standing up a few times, and having my legs give out during a short, standing conversation at home have been physical indicators warranting the help I have sought over the past week, as well as the unplanned PTO put in because I simply did not have the energy to put in my full 40 hours of work, much to the dismay of my boss.

In order to perform to our true potential, we have to remember to take care of ourselves first. Mentally and physically exhausted, I lost that and began to decline in my abilities, lack of sleep affecting my work output and the quality, as well as my memory... despite all of these strong signs, as mentioned previously, time and that ever-present need to perform, I've stubbornly chugged along, bringing about my own moments of defeat.

As my sister has lovingly told me on countless occasions, for all the book smarts in the world I may possess, common sense has not always been a strong point. Tonight I question that very notion as I'm fervently distracted by the doubt in my worth in another's eyes when I should have, all along, been steadfast in the strengthening of my own self-worth. When we begin to doubt one aspect of our lives, there is often a domino effect on other areas...

...and, as ever, when sh*t hits the fan, often it all hits at once before it gets better, as I've come to find out so I hold faith that this, too, shall pass.

Virtual interactions are currently providing a much pleasanter façade than the reality I'm living.

Looking forward to winter break and curling up with these two very relevant beauties:

The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday
Overwhelmed: Work, Love, and Play When No One has the Time by Brigid Schulte

xxx

New hairs, news, & new gigs

Red hair dye is great and all...but my one gripe is that it fades all too quickly. After the {failed!} attempt at going blonde, my hair has had particular difficulties holding onto color, but I thought perhaps a nice purple-y hue would look nice?

I'm partial to my red color family, and found one with a supposed darker purplish base. The color was lovely, albeit....well....

My boss asked if it was supposed to be that....pink. I was diggin' it and, quite frankly, was just glad it wasn't the weird color going on, albeit it almost embodied that trendy rose gold color scheme that is so popular and I received several compliments for my accidental locks.

In other news....I have joined the Teen Hearts Modeling family...and loving this cozy long tee! Guess I can add that to the résumé?

Loki dear is continuing his campaign of mischief and snuggles. Mr. Loki was tickled pink on being spoiled from his grandfurmummy, who loaded me up with ham and turkey and goodies for this growing fur baby. She may not have met him yet, but is already smitten.

He's a cutie....and a terror. Goodness, I love him unconditionally, though, even when he wakes me up at 5AM for sh!ts and giggles.

Home all of an hour or so and he's already on the time-out shoulder.

When Loki was a kitten and would start acting up or getting into things he shouldn't {imagine that!}, I would throw him over my shoulder to calm him down while I got ready, one-handed. He's knows I love him but mean business when he's over the shoulder as so.

Fur baby had surgery to remove his front claws....I cried. While I don't believe in essentially handicapping kitties, my overly rambunctious kitten was destructive to many things and has since calmed down...

He received SO. MUCH. LOVE. and snuggles during recovery. We took many naps when I could spare the time before and after work. Snuggle bug was reassured he wasn't in trouble, but that it was for the better and more peaceful living. Little stinker can now have full reign of the apartment {aside from my sissy's room since she'd go into allergic shock if he was too deep into her business.....}

So....this picture...I caved. I chopped my long talons off.

Yeah, I purchased the iPhone 7. It's okay, but my nails are doing well now. The one painfully ripped off.

I'll be living off of eggs and ramen as I pay for phone, two trips coming up, and bills. wooooooo

Adulting.

Happy late turkey lurkey day!

xxx

Marathoners and their spectators

Richmond, VA

I was ecstatic to be cheering on my uncle at his most recent marathon in the quaint little town in Dixieland.

We stayed at the Quirk Hotel downtown, v. mod former department store-turned decadent night quarters {posh yet?}.

It was, indeed, quirky {too much?} with its character-rich building and minimalistic décor. The shower was pretty rad, too, with the European-style half open, half glass-enclosed and it had a nice, warm stream with just enough pressure that it felt almost like a light massage on my ever knot-infested shoulder blades.

For more info.

Unc did well - he kept his pace steady, not pushing too hard for any record, but wanted to complete for another inked tally. Man's got ambition and a strong self-will for his running...it's his way of breaking free from the world.

We all have our methods of sanity retention...

Such a beautiful day out! A tad brisk, but minimal wind and so many people cheering on loved ones and strangers! I love the atmosphere of everyone coming together to support others.

Naturally, I was all bundled up in flannel & style. Not pictured: two pairs of socks, heavy scarf, gloves...all of which were stripped off after having to run back to the run at the conclusion of Tom's run so we could hold the room while he showered.

Best of traveling: seeing new places and knowing my love bug is waiting for snuggles when I return.

xxxx

Snuggle Bunnies

Those who know me well know there are two things of which I cannot get enough:

Kittens & snuggles

When it comes to my particular fur baby, his love is what sometimes gets me through a tough day, realizing I will be coming home to his sweet cuddles and warmth at night. As the outside air chills with the season, these cuddles are going to be extra cozy come bedtime.

Loki and I have had quite the adventure in our short 5 1/2 months together, but one can get to know someone particularly well, especially when spending the majority of our time together, whether it be conscious or snuggled up in dreamland.

Loki has taught me patience and has granted that firsthand experience of being responsible for a being other than myself {goodness knows I'm much better at taking care of others}. It's rather fascinating how each of the sweet kitties I've helped raise have their own personalities and tendencies.

Loki is always down for a little photo op!

Loki was thrilled about my lame attempt to give him substitutes in my stead while I had to go to work for the better part of the day...

While I know I never want to have human children of my own, I can't imagine a home without my Loki poo waiting for me to come home...I'm sure most pet owners can relate in regards to their fur babies.

xxxx

Halloweenie Birthday Girl

I've made a commitment to myself to do something crazy for every birthday since my 21st in Paris. For my 22nd, I treated myself to a{n early} bday prezzie of seeing Christina Perri onstage when she opened for Demi Lovato. Nobody likes you when you're 23, so I hiked it to Chicago and Nashville for a long, solo bus adventure. This year: skydiving.

As much as I would have loved to have gone to some exotic far, far away place, but, alas, had to be somewhat practical and realistic with the pile of homework and being short-staffed at work, which all added up to something more local.

Loki waited up with me to ring in a new
year on planet Earth at midnight

Woke up early after a late night {like I was going to catch more than a few winks of sleep anyways} and drove the hour, hour and a half to the plane hangar where the aircrafts and professional skydivers were awaiting to fulfill the rush the adrenaline junkies were craving.

I did a free fall of 5 stories; what was jumping out of a rickety plane over 2 miles above ground?

The wait was well worth it! The view was incredible and quite a smooth ride as we glided down in tandem. Definitely recommend doing it at least once!

Afterwards, Superman and I went out for Halloween - I was super pumped to wear my Sweet Pea costume and embody the BA character from Sucker Punch. My thigh-high boots were a nice touch, albeit I wasn't bleaching my hair again...

Miss Athena McFee, warrior princess kitty

Halloween is my favorite holiday. I love playing dress up and people watching to see some of the creative ensembles put together. It all adds to the fun!

On Halloween day, I had the morning off, so Loki and I were both kitties until I had to wash my nose off to go back to the work grind...

Loki was eating up allllll the love and snuggles he was getting! He was also digging my kitty cat bodysuit from Meowington's since it gave me better mobility to chase him around the apartment and play to his little kitty heart's content.

All in all, great weekend - a tad sad as we head into November and are one day closer to hearing dreadful Xmas music long before it's appropriate and the inevitable PA snow.

xxxx

Ex's & Oh's

When it comes to relationships, not everyone can remain on cordial terms with a previous significant other due to the nature of the breakup and/or relationship itself. That being said, I'm at least happy I have maintained friendly acquaintances at least with the guys with whom I was "official," i.e. it was not casual dating, but legit bf/gf labels used.

It's rather strange in that no matter how much time has passed, often the past memories seem as though they were yesterday, a younger version of ourselves remembered as an almost dream-like visionary, quite possibly distorted by our own concept of self rather than reality.

I view friendship as a wondrous thing in life, not to be taken lightly nor to be cast aside so frivolously as a casual summer fling, albeit sometimes we can acquire acquaintances from such when we learn compatibility is simply not there with that individual.

To be in a relationship, remembering how much time and effort was put into it, can take a toll on body and soul when those threads are worn thin, a mere semblance of what it was as the two enter the realm of friendship and leave the romance out of the equation.

It takes a great deal of time {or sometimes not so much} to learn someone's shortcomings and all of the beautifully intricate fibers of their being that it is damn near impossible for them to not leave some sort of etching upon your soul, and you on theirs as well. We learn the good, the bad, and the ugly of someone's character which can often translate well into knowing how they tick as they continue to have you back in the aftermath of a romance that just did not work out.

All relationships, platonic or more, can become life lessons on how we treat others, learn from one another, and also help us grow and learn about ourselves as well.

While some view it as harmful or toxic to be friends with one's ex, I see it as a beautiful thing, provided boundaries are made and kept.

xxxx

Life's a Beach

While not typically a beach-goer, a nice little weekend adventure out of town was just what was needed as a mini break from classes and work, albeit I missed the fur babies while we were away...

We enjoyed a delicious light dinner at Bayfront - as its namesake suggests, it was right at the bay side and offered a sumptuous view of the evening skies and water.

A tad nippy noodles with the light breeze, but an overall gorgeous day for exploring Erie and the Isle, on which my uncle would be running his next marathon. He had lovely weather the following day, unlike Virginia Beach with its low-50 degree weather and 30 mph winds....brrrrrr

I was quite delighted Superman was able to make it out with us this weekend! We were able to meet up with an acquaintance from college and enjoyed a night on the town with Brody who's studying to become a doctor. Good times had all weekend with great people :)

Beach bum life is a desirable temporary lifestyle, if only for a day or two.

This weekend proved monumental in a sense for me - a personal accomplishment. Self-conscious and often with low self-esteem, I went outside of my comfort zone and donned a bikini {in public} for the first time in 3 years. As crazy and silly as it may seem, it was a big deal on a personal level...having been unable to embrace my body for what it is for years, I'm beginning to feel more comfortable in my skin, taking measures of better care are a great way to feel better from the inside-out.

I know, I know, this may seem hokey, but I feel it fully-heartedly. Feeling good and letting it radiate outward. Here's to more self-love :)

Superman pulling handstands!

Like every great adventure, it must come to an end and we must return to reality....after we found our way out of the vampire coven.

The best part of coming home is having kitty snuggles waiting for me <3

xxxx