Friday, December 9, 2016

December is sweater weather

With 2016 soon coming to a halt, as well as winter break from class slowly, but surely, nearing, I find myself yet again reflecting on how quickly time seems to escape us when we're too busy planning for the future. How easily we are befuddled by the next step in our journey, that we may misread signals or signs which may lessen the chaos of the busy times, or even misread our own body/mind's plea for a lifeline...

I have one week of school before break, trying to bargain with the ticking clock of how much time I have left to accomplish so much, all tghe while running on a tank low on genuine fuel, supplemented by copious amounts of the nectar of the caffeine gods aka Monster Zero.

Failed attempts at cleaning {as documented by my dirty mirror selfie above}, foregoing sleep in order to cover shift gaps, squeezing in homework in between naps and work, trying to find time for patient friends who deserve more recognition for their love and support than I can currently give, and making sure to give Loki the snuggles he needs is proving a bit overwhelming...

While everything may seem hunky-dory on the outside, whether that be via social media or how I appeared, near-collapsing at work, falling asleep standing up a few times, and having my legs give out during a short, standing conversation at home have been physical indicators warranting the help I have sought over the past week, as well as the unplanned PTO put in because I simply did not have the energy to put in my full 40 hours of work, much to the dismay of my boss.

In order to perform to our true potential, we have to remember to take care of ourselves first. Mentally and physically exhausted, I lost that and began to decline in my abilities, lack of sleep affecting my work output and the quality, as well as my memory... despite all of these strong signs, as mentioned previously, time and that ever-present need to perform, I've stubbornly chugged along, bringing about my own moments of defeat.

As my sister has lovingly told me on countless occasions, for all the book smarts in the world I may possess, common sense has not always been a strong point. Tonight I question that very notion as I'm fervently distracted by the doubt in my worth in another's eyes when I should have, all along, been steadfast in the strengthening of my own self-worth. When we begin to doubt one aspect of our lives, there is often a domino effect on other areas...

...and, as ever, when sh*t hits the fan, often it all hits at once before it gets better, as I've come to find out so I hold faith that this, too, shall pass.

Virtual interactions are currently providing a much pleasanter fa├žade than the reality I'm living.

Looking forward to winter break and curling up with these two very relevant beauties:

The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday
Overwhelmed: Work, Love, and Play When No One has the Time by Brigid Schulte


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