December is sweater weather

With 2016 soon coming to a halt, as well as winter break from class slowly, but surely, nearing, I find myself yet again reflecting on how quickly time seems to escape us when we're too busy planning for the future. How easily we are befuddled by the next step in our journey, that we may misread signals or signs which may lessen the chaos of the busy times, or even misread our own body/mind's plea for a lifeline...

I have one week of school before break, trying to bargain with the ticking clock of how much time I have left to accomplish so much, all tghe while running on a tank low on genuine fuel, supplemented by copious amounts of the nectar of the caffeine gods aka Monster Zero.

Failed attempts at cleaning {as documented by my dirty mirror selfie above}, foregoing sleep in order to cover shift gaps, squeezing in homework in between naps and work, trying to find time for patient friends who deserve more recognition for their love and support than I can currently give, and making sure to give Loki the snuggles he needs is proving a bit overwhelming...

While everything may seem hunky-dory on the outside, whether that be via social media or how I appeared, near-collapsing at work, falling asleep standing up a few times, and having my legs give out during a short, standing conversation at home have been physical indicators warranting the help I have sought over the past week, as well as the unplanned PTO put in because I simply did not have the energy to put in my full 40 hours of work, much to the dismay of my boss.

In order to perform to our true potential, we have to remember to take care of ourselves first. Mentally and physically exhausted, I lost that and began to decline in my abilities, lack of sleep affecting my work output and the quality, as well as my memory... despite all of these strong signs, as mentioned previously, time and that ever-present need to perform, I've stubbornly chugged along, bringing about my own moments of defeat.

As my sister has lovingly told me on countless occasions, for all the book smarts in the world I may possess, common sense has not always been a strong point. Tonight I question that very notion as I'm fervently distracted by the doubt in my worth in another's eyes when I should have, all along, been steadfast in the strengthening of my own self-worth. When we begin to doubt one aspect of our lives, there is often a domino effect on other areas...

...and, as ever, when sh*t hits the fan, often it all hits at once before it gets better, as I've come to find out so I hold faith that this, too, shall pass.

Virtual interactions are currently providing a much pleasanter façade than the reality I'm living.

Looking forward to winter break and curling up with these two very relevant beauties:

The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday
Overwhelmed: Work, Love, and Play When No One has the Time by Brigid Schulte

xxx

Hope Waning for Mankind

I mentioned in a previous post about a book in which I ravenously devoured while waiting for my wash to finish at the laundromat : The Customer is Not Always Right. It is a project which began low-scale and, like Post Secret, soon found its founders swimming in stories of woe and awe at the sheer stupidity of our fellow humans who roam this planet.

 

Mind you, this is a rather generalization of many people - not everyone is truly "stupid," per se, but if you have every had the fortune or misfortune of working in fast food, restaurant industry, retail, or simply with the general public, you may have experienced similar encounters which made you shake your head or made you step back for a moment in order to process if reality was playing out in front of you and not some sort of ill-conceived prank.

Case in point {and I ferociously texted this into my Notes app last night before succumbing to a lovely, near-delusional state right before conking out}:

*Patron approaches library desk with small stack of books*
me: Hello, how may I help you? Are you checking these books in?
Patron: No. *pauses* These were all due yesterday.
me: okay...so you are checking them in?
Patron, impatient: No. These were due yesterday.
me, confused: So you are returning them?
Patron, frustrated: Yes, they're late.

When working with customer service, it's important to try to assist in the most amicable way possible, yet when dealing with such idiocy, it's difficult to hold one's tongue in cheek.

While library books are not life-threatening, unless thrown at people, it certainly impedes upon efficiency when someone proves to be unpleasant and does not understand basic procedure for book borrowing.

What makes up for this {aside from the funny tales to share at parties} are the lovely patrons who come in with a smile, ready to tackle on the next adventure with their eyes or hungry for knowledge - those are my favorites. As a fellow bibliophile, that sort of desire to expand one's vocabulary and sense of the world through reading is refreshing and brings back my hope in society when I see the subjects in which people are divulging, or the fact that they keep coming back for the wondrous literary tools available.

Call me a dork, call me a nerd, but don't call me illiterate or say I'm not a dreamer. While the morons continue to trickle in, the fact that they are reading diminishes that sense of annoyance just a tad, but only a tad.

You can see the world through a television screen, but opening a book can take you so much further....

Recent gems:

• At Water's Edge Sara Gruen

• Actors Anonymous James Franco

    

• 101 Places NOT to See Before You Die Catherine Price

    

• Humans of New York Brandon Stanton

    

• Midnight Sun Jo Nesbø

Le Langue est le clé qui ouvre le mond.

Language is the key which opens the world.

{future ink}

xxxx

Expectations & Desires

Life-planning currently in the works - with the lovely background "noise" of Hedley, Halsey, and Sia's latest albums and a brown bottle of Sam Adams's Noble Pils in hand.

With a medley of weddings coming up in the early part of spring/summer, that leaves not much time for travels, but PTO is begging to be spent as it accumulates in the virtual PTO bank, prompting me to start scheming planning a much-needed trip out of this death trap of sanity the same-old, same-old work grind.

A positive aspect of working at my current place of employment has definitely been the connection to my mentor - she's been a great help in my development as a manager and gaining confidence in leadership because, let's face, a lot of jumping into the business world {as far removed as I often feel...} is thinking on your feet and winging it until you make it.

Today proved a particularly enlightening conversation, albeit it only lasted approximately 26.5 minutes - a lot of ground covered in those few minutes from recruitment to employee retention to standing up for myself and not getting lost in the wilderness of operations management. She's right - being able to stand up, and needing to, say "no" sometimes is important, especially after constant shifts lasting anywhere from 13-18.5 {my new record, set last Friday into Saturday}. Crying from the burden of always needing to fill in and feeling I can't perform my own job is a commonality Jenn and I share - something in which she divulged today. It does not make us weak women for needing a moment to release all of the pent-up frustration, but a blaring red sign change is needed and that we can't always be Superwoman.

Starting out in new careers, we're expected to put our best foot forward, and why not? That's how you prove yourself that you're a cut above the rest and can handle more responsibility, that you have the drive and ambition to climb the corporate ladder - the American dream, per se. Yet, at what point do we forsake living for these career aspirations? When does the line begin to blur to the point where a job for which we no longer have passion and are only continuing for the experience begins to infiltrate our personal life and affect others around us?

And this is where not just my career turnaround comes into play, but the life-changer plan. With undergrad loans nearly paid off, it's time to start thinking about grad school and taking time to enjoy life - I'm too young to waste it in a position I don't love when there are other opportunities within and outside of the company. Starting with: social media marketing certification and SQL analysis, a revamp of my résumé, as well as a few trips with Superman to see more of this big, beautiful world.

The expectation is to work, nose to the grindstone, until we retire or die...but no, I want a job I love {or at least can tolerate all of the time, enjoying it most of the time}, a cat, more ink, and to see what this world has to offer - so much ground to cover today, but today's revelation and last night's yeast-fueled{beer} mental cog-turning brainstorm has me up-and-at-'em with positive vibes, ready to take on the world.

I'm nearly me again and realizing my potential. Coming back with guns blazing {metaphorically, of course}. I foresee happiness in my future and I'm ready to fight the candidate pools to show 'em what I'm worth.

A bit of light reading {said in my head in Hermione Granger's voice, no less}. Definitely worth a read, especially if you work with the public - you're not the only one dealing with idiots...they're everywhere.

xxxx

Youth and Femininity

Not a subject I tend to dwell on nor share my opinion because of the hostile reciprocation it receives, feminism still holds an ever-present place in my mind, particularly in regard to the workforce.

Common misconception holds feminists as tit-baring and man-hating, but this idealism which may flash across people's minds is just silly nonsense...feminism in its true form is woman-empowering, and also men-empowering - putting us all on the same playing field.

Emma Watson's appointment of UN Women Goodwill Ambassador and, most recently, Jennifer Lawrence's uncensored unabashed take on the wage gap still present in the 21st century show us the need for strong women to pave the way for other strong women.

Undoubtedly, I also feel some have taken the idea of feminism too far, using it as a crutch or excuse for their behavior - much like wanting to be treated as an adult warrants acting accordingly, I'm quite euphoric I can genuinely say I'm treated on an equal playing field as my male peers - a woman in business is not always an easy route, particularly management.

I do, however, notice, through observation, of which I'm quite keen on doing in order to assess situations, that this does not always translate as being held to the same standard for those underneath me...

With some, I'm grateful my competencies are realized and I've been able to prove myself worthy of their trust and loyalty. With others, I have felt as though my judgment is taken, since it comes from a higher up position, but there is a sense of resistance or an inner tendency to be argumentative or test how far it takes until I cave.

As a young professional gaining experience from managing employees months, years, even decades, older than I, I have felt my authority questioned and have questioned myself at times.

Perception is key, as is confidence, but I'd be lying if I said my age nor gender never played a role in earning the respect of employees and peers. I've found myself more aware of this - being judged by my anatomical attributes rather than by character {aside from body issues, into which we shalln't divulge at the moment} - and it bites it's not the best feeling in the world but only drives my will to succeed ever harder.

I have William the Conqueror's blood flowing through my veins and the heat of the French - I don't give up that easily ;)

The Quantum Moment by Robert P. Crease & Alfred Scharff Goldhaber

As Hermione would say... "and now, for a bit of light reading."

Bibliophile in her natural habitat

Lost among the stacks, drawn into my own bubble and traipsing about the not-so-dusty tombs, replacing their brethren onto the shelves: how I enjoy spending my brief shifts at the library... My mild case of OCD quite enjoys the satisfaction of rearranging books out of order into their proper sequence so others may easier find the next world in which to divulge.

It was here I found solace this morning, as well as when I found a few "new" treasures hidden among the corpses of trees. {That's essentially what books are, aren't they?}

Still on my Middle Eastern conflict with concentration on first-hand US military accounts kick, with a touch of Einstein, Tolkien, and worldly adventure...of sorts.

I can hardly fathom the numbers, repeating them to myself as a reminder that I can tackle anything thrown at me: 28+ hours worked at my full-time job between Saturday and Sunday. As the millennials would say, that shit cray.

As much as I enjoy doing what I'm doing, taking names, and running amok with all the craziness of a typical work shift, it's rather enjoyable to kick back {metaphorically} and escape among the shelves and slip into the fictitious and also informative world of books and all they offer.

For a bibliophile, working in a library setting, even if it's only on an on-demand basis, is a special nirvana...providing there are minimal instances with crazed patrons, shouting at you for no reason.

This knowledge-hungry bibliophile can't wait for the next opportunity to snuggle in bed and get started on this exciting stack!

Have you read any mind-opening/gut-clenching/aw(e)-inducing books lately?

I'll be your Conversed Juliet teenage dream

Today's outfit of the day caption on Instagram...and certainly how I feel today.

In relationships, I strive to be my best....to give nothing but the whole of my heart and hope I'm achieving this, placing my heart in the branches, so to speak, of my dear Tree. It can be terrifying to grant such trust to someone, even if it's not the utmost maximum....vulnerability has never been one of my strong points, preferring to create a formidable stronghold, impenetrable to all but the one brave warrior daring to go where few have been before.

However, in relinquishing a little bit of this hold on ourselves, opening up, can be a truly beautiful thing. It allows us to open up to not just another person, but the world of possibilities. There is a vast world out there waiting for exploration....I know I have much more than 90% left to roam, despite TripAdvisor telling me I've traversed across 10%.

I'm coming to learn more about myself as I learn to accept myself as my Tree has accepted me. I'm not perfect, but I can remain in a state of improvement and growth, fighting tooth and nail to remain out of the darkness that can consume - the darkness of self-doubt and fear.

I'm ready to take on all of what life throws at me, particularly any self-inhibitors. Bows and a bold lippy go a long way with confidence, as I've learned.

Not letting my insecurities bog me down. 1XX lbs but I feel weightless as my wings spread, ready to soar!

Tonight's collection...Linkin Park's Recharged, A Rocket to the Moon's Wild Fire, and A Fine Frenzy's One Cell in the Sea.

A Fine Frenzy seems like an illustrious label for my life. Hectic but full of wonderful things.

This made me laugh and I thought it was worth sharing.

As well as this!!!!!
All of their covers and originals are worth sharing!!



Goodnight, sleep tight. Time to curl up with the thriller I'm reading: The Devil's Star by Jo Nesbø.

Countdowns and checklists

13 days until I'm home...
23 days until my flight to London....
72 days until my 21st birthday...
129 days until Xmas....
136 days until the new year...
484 days [approximate] until I graduate...
phew

Time is flying...and yet moving impossibly slow.

Looking like a sweetheart in my T-strap sandals and floral dress. At least that's what I like to pretend haha.

My uncle asked me what women want. Well...here's my response. Almost forgot, someone who sparkles in the sunlight like Edward Cullen.

Delicious. Had a solo date lunch with myself at the Capitol Diner. Chicken salad sandwich for the main course...and then came this loveliness.

Stir-fry magic

Gladly welcomes minors for everything BUT booze

Root beer float for the youngling

Capresse panini...mmmm heaven

Peanut Butter Cup Sundae

Haven't visited the Soda Jerk in many, many years....so I decided to go last night for dessert. Absolutely delish. 

Inspiration for my future home....love

Books are wonderful things...

Off to work I go.

Hobbey Ho.

Judge us not equally.

So....the movie....Abe Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.

*spoiler alert*
It was a pretty good movie, full of sweet CG, similar to Sherlock Holmes [and forgive me if they happen to have the same people working on them and i am ignorant of something of this nature], and ok plot. Dammit....why can't Hollywood stick to the book?! I know they're after the biggest amount they can bring in, but vengence as a motivator is so cliché in movies. Abe in the book [the original source of the vampire side-story, mind you] swears to vanquish every vampire in the states. A different aspect all together.

I liked the book and movie separately, but, alas, thought the book much better.

Abe in the book used common sense. Abe in the movie was a bit dumb sometimes...."Henry, you're one of them!" Honestly....are you a moron? And who is this Adam?! ok, ok....perhaps i shouldn't judge so harshly and perhaps i should just not have any expectations when a book is made into a movie...

Don't get me wrong, the action in the film was pretty sweet and the vampires' facial expressions and creepy fangs were nicely done and i thoroughly enjoyed the movie in itself, but compared to the book.....well, guess that opinion has been expressed.

They did use a few lines, word for word, from the book. That made me happy.

It feels so nice getting dolled up to go somewhere special....i've missed curling my hair. It looked nice in the morning but it had to go up since it's super hott at work and i hate having sweaty hair on my nape. ew. And i'd rather not get it all dirty....even though i shower after work, it gets damaged enough without all the nasty dust from the shelves!

Dress: Charlotte Russe; assorted bracelets; childhood purse; necklace from Lovely

I feel good.....started running after work every day, at least 2-3 miles. Dang. I'm not my tiny old self but you know what? I'm ok with that. Look at those legs...they're hot. I have abs. I'm not cocky; i'm just trying to get in some body-lovin' for the day.

I think i have ice cream in my hair. This is new... all i wanted to do was sit around and be a fat kid eating ice cream. That's what i texted my sister.

It's been a long week.....and i need to clean this dang ice cream out of my hair. How does this even happen?

They're real.

Lovely and i are headed out to see Abe Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. I just finished the book after work (aMAZing!) and can't wait to see if the movie lives up to its more tangible counterpart.

Digging my outfit, if i do say so myself. Black cut-out dress that i had picked out for my birthday....pics to come! Lovely simply can't get it soon enough....i'm excited!

Confessions of a SIMoholic

No, i haven't been "busy" par se....unless you count playing countless hours of the Sims3 for PC as "busy." ....as well as entertaining myself by responding "that's what she said" to many of the reasonably appropriate and exceedingly innocuous things my Mum says.

Atm Kodak is being dumb and requiring an update to their software on my computer -_-  ever notice these types of occurrences happen right when you want to do something/in a hurry/want to read Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunter?!?

Oh, yeah. I put P.S. I Love You on halt in Theo the Kindle and am starting Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunter. So far, so good....then again, i've only read the intro so far. I'm one of those people who prefer to read the book before watching the movie.

Dammit, Kodak.

Trying my patience.

Yays!

I was too lazy to really do anything with my hair.

Dragonite is beast. Lovely made this sweet DIY shirt pour moi.

mustache ring from the OBX

Mmmmm dinner of garden spinach/lettuce salad with other garden veggies and a small stromboli. Delish. Belly full and happy.

Can't wait to see Lovely tonight! We'll be snacking on the snicker doodles Mum baked today and watching a movie chez moi.

P.S. Check out this awesome blog. And this awesome DIY project from Sincerely Kinsey.

Breaking Dawn Part II

Breaking Dawn trailor is out now! ....i may be a few days late/out of the loop but i just heard about this c/o Seventeen magazine.

Last night, Lovely and i went on a date....ate out at the new little sub/pizza shop, Quickies, that opened in our "mall," went for frozen custard at Meadows, and went back to Lovely's to watch The Human Centipede 2. I'm fairly certain this one was worse than the first....

I find it's a bit of an ego-boost when you can still fit into something from the girls' section....this Old Navy skirt was part of one of my Easter outfits in middle school. I double-checked the size before slipping it on, a bit hesitant that i could squeeze my buns into a girls' 14.

Naturally, i had forgotten about the pics i had taken on Sunday right before church until i plugged my camera in to upload new pics....i thought it was hot  (temperature-wise) on Sunday.

new shirt from Piperlime! c/o a b-day giftcard from my aunt&uncle

Hmmm.....whilst on Pinterest (one of my favorite online things to do btw) i came across this reading list. I've read many of them! Inner geek jumping up&down with feeling of pride/accomplishment. How many have you read?

And speaking of books....i read a few at the beach! Between soaking up rays, staying inside bc of the wicked winds, and the car-ride home, i read:

• The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest
• Anthem
• The Bro-Magnet
• The Fifty Shades of Grey

....and started re-reading P.S. I Love You for kicks. I have a few more books i'd like to read as well. Definitely not continuing with the Fifty Shades trilogy...honestly, the book sounded as though it was taken from the hidden fantasy diary of a teenage girl. Buuuuuuuut i was curious. Meh.

Sure, sex is a natural thing in life and we can't ignore it and pretend, put simply, "shit doesn't happen," but the way they go into the story.....well, it's easy to tell it's fiction.

It's 6:30 and i'm sleepy already....what is this?!

The heat is getting to me....my tootsies need to rest. Hmmmm a nice foot soak would be lovely, especially with this pesky brushburn on the top of my foot that is irritated by my clunky steel-toed beauties i must don at work.

Summer Bliss[ters]

Silly me.....head wasn't in the right place and relaxed in the sun with Theo the Kindle and burnt my back. Like an id.

Other than that, things have been fairly quiet at home....i've been on the d-low, cleaning my room, continuing to put things away, cooking, listening to my Fajer grumble [my current activity aside from typing], and catching up on some reading [currently at 97% in Girl with the Dragon Tattoo].

Almost finished with this:

Can't wait to see this:

Yes, i'm one of those people who believe in reading the book before the seeing the movie....i'm sticking with my opinion that the Lord of the Rings trilogy was perhaps the best book trilogies brought to the big screen. Can't wait for The Hobbit!!

Hmm....haven't really been dressing all that cute. The past two days i've thrown on my oversize checkered button-up from AE. I love their men's Vintage Fit button-ups....too bad xs is hard to find :/  Lovely has that trouble as well....smalls are super comfy and big and fit like a dress on me. Lovely is simply slender and muscular, albeit a smaller frame.

Oh that boy....look at me gushing! :)

Must wash my car.....and continue to bum it for the day. It's gorgey out. Maybe i'll go out in shorts and  my oversize shirt. My back doesn't like constricting tops. Wear your sunscreen and don't be negligent like i was! Not blistering, but it's red. eeeek.

Dragons, horses, and spirits

....this combo sounds like a major reference to The Hobbit. But that's more or less the hashings of my day.

I started reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo last night [after Polyvore] and it was a slow read at first...i read it to and from Gettysburg today and it's getting interesting. Yes, i've joined the bandwagon. I'm not sure if it's all it's hyped up to be yet, but we shall see.

Mixing high-end with low-end fashion today...i took Louis [Louis Vuitton purse] with me horseback riding. It slings over the shoulder and can hold Theo [my kindle].

Joe Fresh opened up a new store along Fifth Ave in NYC and we all received a free tube of orange lipstick by checking into it using foursquare! woot woot!

I'm kissable like an orange creamsicle.

P.S. i think i may have captured ghosts on my camera from today's horseback ride through Gettysburg