Thursday, April 28, 2016

Happy Gas Masks

Gas masks became a staple of a soldier's uniform during the early 20th century with the highly prevalent use of chemical warfare tactics. As such, by the time WW2 broke out, millions of these masks would be issued to British families in the event such merciless weapons would be dropped on citizens by plane. In short, the gas mask was intended to ensure the wearer clear, purified air amid a chemically-aerated environment, a protection against the outside.

We, as humans, don a comparable mask at times, a proverbial one or one of more tangible means, such as makeup or a hat, a transparent talisman, as a way to shut out the "bad" or convince ourselves everything is okay when, internally, we know that is not the case.

We think we know someone at their surface but until the walls come down and the edges of their invisible force field peel back, we may never truly know someone deep down to the core.

While there are many days it's not about covering up feelings, but rather an embarrassing blemish that sticks out like a sore thumb, I don't always feel comfortable without makeup... On those days, when I'm just not feeling up to the day's expectations, I'll take extra care on how I prepare my face so as not to give away any indicator that I'm not up to my 100%.

Sometimes a bold cat-eye can improve even the darkest of moods, they say, "fake it until you make it." When you see yourself smiling, even if it's for the sake of others, or even due to others' positive vibes, that alone can boost your confidence that maybe the day isn't so terrible or maybe everyone around you isn't such an idiot... {daily thoughts at work when I'm feeling overwhelmed}.

When all else fails, be thankful for the moments you can come home, let your hair down, and laugh at all of the ridiculous idiocies you've encountered during the day, week, fortnight, etc. In a world filled with baby sloth videos online and fluffy Chewbacca robes, it's hard to stay locked away inside the shell for too long.

Hoist the white flag, break out of the carbonite, and learn to just let go once in a while, even if it's just to your stuffed animals at first. By all means, keep your little gas mask for special occasions in which it may prove useful, but learning to trust a select few can lend itself to getting to know some pretty incredible people and even open your eyes to your own true self.

I'm about to go break down some internal walls of self-conflict....brb.


Monday, April 25, 2016

A Woman's Worth

Why do we use the feminine pronoun for cars, boats, means of transportation on which men ride, etc...? Perhaps because that's "how it has always been" or because there has been a societal inclination to value femininity on some pedestal, making vehicles comparable to a woman. {Thinking out loud}

What does "ladylike" and "feminine" even mean? {Aside from the dictionary meaning, smart aleck} Can't women be strong, timid, brave, rugged, pristine, tomboyish, enjoy Tonka Trucks and Barbie dolls, etc.? Once again, I take it one step beyond in order to be thought-provoking... I see how magazines collaborate life and fashion, but it all still seems hokey in the scheme of things, with an intent on morphing us for improvement towards societal ideals. Even in the 21st century, there's still that fight to prove oneself in the dog-eat-dog "man's world."

My parents have told me before to be more "ladylike" and that I'm "not with the boys anymore," referencing my high school years of wrestling on the boys' team. This is where the questioning comes in - what makes one "ladylike," these archaic societal rules of crossing one's legs, wearing dresses.... Perhaps what they meant was I should be more mindful {okay, I've stopped burping at the table as we're not in an Eastern country which views this as polite}. Yet this could be counted as somewhat counter-intuitive as they have taught me the meaning of hard work and independence so my sister and I would never have to depend upon someone else, but be interdependent, which is how I've always viewed my parents - equal partners in life and marriage.

On a deeper, more personal scale, I still struggle with my own feeling of self worth, whether that be as a woman, a career-goer, friend, daughter. After years of correlating the size of  my pants with personal success, a constant battle to excel in the acceleration of grades and accomplishments while simultaneously accounting a declination in weight as a metric. Any misdeed, any mishap or mistake, any screw up, and I felt myself unworthy to eat that day or should be punished with an extra 500 crunches. In my mind, I deserved the punishment because any wrongdoing meant I sucked for messing up. Those feelings of self-doubt don't simply cease, albeit it seems so much easier to prove my muster externally than convince myself otherwise...

However, this is perverse way of thinking is not an isolated case, but a prevalent occurrence, self-doubt being an infectious worm infiltrating even the best of minds {not that mine falls into that category...}

Touching gingerly upon taboo subjects {among older generations}, tattoos and piercings - I had an intricately spun spiel on such matters in my Notes app which is conveniently inaccessible in my currently broken iPhone, but may be recoverable upon its resuscitation, these more detailed options may need to such, why are these seen as either an enhancer or detractor on women? Why can't they be taken as they are, art? Just as equally, so is bare skin; it is our choices to make our bodies into the type of art we wish to project. Our skin, it is a living, breathing chalice of life, whether it be permanently marked from ink or follies a{scars}, or not. Every etching upon the flesh has a story or a mere "just because," but even that lends itself to the beauty the body is...

Latest ink in her own handwriting: Love Grammy

Labels: why can't actions speak louder than the ink on our skin or the curvature of our face/body?

Multiple tangents unfolding and weaving all at once, I'm afraid.


Update: dumb me forgot the last backup was at the end of January, so no go on those Notes... *sigh*

Sunday, April 24, 2016

Most Expensive Girlfriend

My sweet car, C3, is turning out to be the most expensive relationship in which I've been involved....and I thought dating myself was pricey at times {based on how much I have spent in traveling}.

After spending several paychecks' worth on y sweet and loyal vehicular love, she has betrayed me yet again....Superman and I only made it the entire journey to my parents' house thanks to his patient navigational skills.

Friday did not bode well in terms of my luck - perhaps I should consulted my astrological charts before such a big weekend...not that I'm particularly superstitious or wrapped up in my stars, merely a stargazer for the beauty of the night sky, but it seemed to be quite the plot of some twisted comedy.

Sometimes, how a day begins can set the stage for our outlook on the rest of the day....I somehow was suckered into working into the wee hours of that morning, under the logic that it was my Friday, so why not corner me and ask that I stay until 3 in the morning? I loved it! .........

My personal phone broke after I dropped it, like a dingus, due to my determination on carrying everything to the car in one trip instead of multiple; C3 decided to have a conniption going up hills which prompted Superman to test her internal issues at the nearest Advanced Auto; cue my near-concussion when we raced back to C3 {I nearly won, thank you}, which made the bruised back and cut-up wrist totally worth it; we barely made it home after breaking down about 25 minutes from home...

Mummy appreciated receiving this picture late at night...

However, despite this series of {now} laughable, to an extent, misfortunes, I did have the pleasure and joy of seeing one of my dear, dear friends marry the love of his life on Saturday. Just a friendly reminder that sometimes the "bad" things in life are well worth those moments of celebration.

Best wishes to my best and his lovely


Friday, April 15, 2016

Hope Waning for Mankind

I mentioned in a previous post about a book in which I ravenously devoured while waiting for my wash to finish at the laundromat : The Customer is Not Always Right. It is a project which began low-scale and, like Post Secret, soon found its founders swimming in stories of woe and awe at the sheer stupidity of our fellow humans who roam this planet.


Mind you, this is a rather generalization of many people - not everyone is truly "stupid," per se, but if you have every had the fortune or misfortune of working in fast food, restaurant industry, retail, or simply with the general public, you may have experienced similar encounters which made you shake your head or made you step back for a moment in order to process if reality was playing out in front of you and not some sort of ill-conceived prank.

Case in point {and I ferociously texted this into my Notes app last night before succumbing to a lovely, near-delusional state right before conking out}:

*Patron approaches library desk with small stack of books*
me: Hello, how may I help you? Are you checking these books in?
Patron: No. *pauses* These were all due yesterday.
me: you are checking them in?
Patron, impatient: No. These were due yesterday.
me, confused: So you are returning them?
Patron, frustrated: Yes, they're late.

When working with customer service, it's important to try to assist in the most amicable way possible, yet when dealing with such idiocy, it's difficult to hold one's tongue in cheek.

While library books are not life-threatening, unless thrown at people, it certainly impedes upon efficiency when someone proves to be unpleasant and does not understand basic procedure for book borrowing.

What makes up for this {aside from the funny tales to share at parties} are the lovely patrons who come in with a smile, ready to tackle on the next adventure with their eyes or hungry for knowledge - those are my favorites. As a fellow bibliophile, that sort of desire to expand one's vocabulary and sense of the world through reading is refreshing and brings back my hope in society when I see the subjects in which people are divulging, or the fact that they keep coming back for the wondrous literary tools available.

Call me a dork, call me a nerd, but don't call me illiterate or say I'm not a dreamer. While the morons continue to trickle in, the fact that they are reading diminishes that sense of annoyance just a tad, but only a tad.

You can see the world through a television screen, but opening a book can take you so much further....

Recent gems:


Le Langue est le clé qui ouvre le mond.
Language is the key which opens the world.
{future ink}


Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Inspirationally Uninspired

As of late, these are the feelings I've been harboring, albeit it's been a good week or so since my last solid post. {Okay, two weeks...I've been rather negligent with my oh-so-boring life it seems.}

Work has been rather demanding - and in between work, I'm sleeping and attempting at spending every possible second trying to be social to avoid loss of sanity.

Black&blue and ready to rock&roll at work.

I feel as though I've become stuck in this rut of feeling uninspired as I wait for the ticking clock to pass by, noting when I can finally take that leap of faith and drop things, willy-nilly. I have a plan set in place, yet have to abide by this countdown until the witching hour of life progression.

While life waits for none, it's imperative to have some outline of a plan. As much as I'd love to drop it all and travel the globe, ne'er stopping save to use the loo and sleep, I have to be somewhat realistic in the scope of the broader picture - finding fulfillment in a job that will take me far.

Often, when we're unsatisfied with where we are, playing this sort of waiting game, we're content with the mundane routine and slip into unhealthy habits of wasting the time we used to make productive by sleeping or stooping into oblivion in the form of a social media stupor. It feels almost like giving up to what is happening, taking the time in stride, but not actively doing much about the circumstances, succumbing to the numb feeling of having to wait on the calendar...

Time waits for no one, yet opportunities are as much as timing as they are luck - it seems to be a downfall of this generation to be too hasty to jump at the opportunity that flies by first, rather than taking a little time to think on the matter. As Treebeard told Meriadoc Brandywine, "don't be too hasty." And by golly, that old Ent was correct - we can't be too quick to conclude a decision without looking at the broader scope of things, forgoing the rationalization we so often conjure to justify such hastened choices. Eureka! A self-reflective epiphany!

Perhaps I shall revisit the Lord of the Rings in order to gain some further wisdom from the Ents and old wizened wizards - J.R.R. Tolkien had a knack for creating parallels between the fantastical and the future, modern take on life.

And when all else fails, be like a Hobbit and grab yourself a pint.


Friday, April 1, 2016

April showers bring May flowers

Happy April Fools' Day.

Reality is laughing at me right now.

First joke of the night at work told to me: wherever you are in a relationship, I wish you the best.

It came from a persistent fellow who would not take my firm, yet polite declination for help because my sassy pants clearly did not need nor want any {aside from my natural antisocial tendencies}... Thank goodness I'll be taking a little time away from third shift, because I can't handle this jokester.

Get a few pranks in today! I'm waiting for someone to yell the punch line before sleep sets in.