Loyalty & Self-Esteem

Loyalty, trust, and self-esteem are intricately woven in relation to one another, often with elevations of one leading to a more fortified strengthening in another. If a girl is feeling self-conscious, they may begin to question the loyalty and trust of their partner as they begin that toxic thought-thread of not feeling worthy enough in their own eyes and conclude they are not sufficient in their SO's.

I, too, have fallen victim to this perverse sensation and c'est mauvais. While this can be inherently that person's issue, it becomes a true issue when those thoughts lead to toxic behavior which continues to negatively affect the relationship and infringe upon other's as words of unwarranted unkindness spew out venomously. I try to stay out of drama and away from such people of high toxicity and ugly hearts...

Simply being in proximity of others who are in this sick cycle may influence those who typically feel they can rise above such pettiness. It is not such a terrible act to cut ties with those who inflict such negative ideas and influences if it means being of healthier mind. It does not make one a bad person to look after themselves in order to take care of themselves and to ensure a healthier relationship with those who deserve such a healthy relationship and are removed from the drama of the influencers.

Love yourself, stay positive, and cut out the bad "fat."

xxxx

Kitten mittens

As likely assumed, I care quite deeply for my sweet, sweet kitten. Amid all of the chaos and business and attempts at holding it together while trying to balance school, a full-time job, and a semi-part-time job, Loki dear always seemed to know just when I needed some extra snuggles while I was home. Whether that was from his own selfish kitty needs, or an animalistic predisposition of reading frantic vibes, I will never know, but I prefer to think it is because he just knows when someone is in need of lovin'.

I promise I'm not trying to convert anyone to being a designated "cat person," albeit this term is still rather harsh....why can't we just be "animal people," as a collective? Yes, indeed-iddly do I love kitty cats, but I'm quite enamored by puppies, rabbits, tortoises, ferrets, squirrels, rats, bearded dragons, geckos..a plethora of other animals. {except centipedes. NOPE NOPE. They can rot in the fiery pits of pest hell}

However, how can one negate how darn cute this snuggle muffin is? He makes it quite difficult to leave, especially as I'm already running short on sleep every night, much to my dismay because he's the best snuggler and I've always been a fan of sleep. {ask my mum - she has pictures of me sleeping in weird places because I would just get tired and call it a day....under the dining room table, under my bed, on the steps, in a laundry basket....}

Love bug has been patient with me as I frantically try to finish homework and projects with the end of my term winding down. He's been the best snuggle partner, the best type of distraction and comforter while I darn-near tore my hair out trying to make sense of these financial equations and formulas...sweet little guy embodies the simple things in life and keeps me grounded.

Saturday nights: while many are out partying, enjoying the festivities of the weekend, most nights I'm snuggled up with Loki, taking silly pictures with him, cheek to cheek. He's becoming accustomed to my antics and his model-status as a class-act model on my Instagram.

Loki and I tried using the Candid Catmera so I could have some cute pictures while I was at work, half-bored, half-crazed out of my mind with the exorbitant amount of year-end projects, but Loki Loke had other ideas. Apparently watching me yank clothes out of my closet in a rushed effort to get ready for work was more appealing than cooperating with the app for some cute pictures.

Waking up with this ball of snuggles has been the real treat of the better part of the year, getting to know his nuances and knowing we'll have one another's backs. Nearly 7 months since I brought my love bug home and my, my, my, what an interesting 7 months it has been.

Squishy face selfies to Mummy and friends are a must. Mummy wuvs her grandfurbaby as he's currently her only grandcreature. Maybe one day there will be little human babies floating around {my nieces & nephews, not my own devil's spawn} with Loki jumping all about amongst the wildlings, but for now, spoiled baby remains the only one between my sissy and I.

xxxx

Snuggle Bunnies

Those who know me well know there are two things of which I cannot get enough:

Kittens & snuggles

When it comes to my particular fur baby, his love is what sometimes gets me through a tough day, realizing I will be coming home to his sweet cuddles and warmth at night. As the outside air chills with the season, these cuddles are going to be extra cozy come bedtime.

Loki and I have had quite the adventure in our short 5 1/2 months together, but one can get to know someone particularly well, especially when spending the majority of our time together, whether it be conscious or snuggled up in dreamland.

Loki has taught me patience and has granted that firsthand experience of being responsible for a being other than myself {goodness knows I'm much better at taking care of others}. It's rather fascinating how each of the sweet kitties I've helped raise have their own personalities and tendencies.

Loki is always down for a little photo op!

Loki was thrilled about my lame attempt to give him substitutes in my stead while I had to go to work for the better part of the day...

While I know I never want to have human children of my own, I can't imagine a home without my Loki poo waiting for me to come home...I'm sure most pet owners can relate in regards to their fur babies.

xxxx

March On.

The end of September meant it was time for alumni band! My Mum has taken over organizing alumni band at CHS since my senior year - 2011 {goodness, I'm getting old!}. It's crazy to think that I've been out for 5 1/2 years now, seeing the group of alumni grow every year.

Despite the rain, another good turnout for my mummy. No matter how much time has passed, the chance to go back to the field is one of nostalgia and typically welcomed.

Class of '54, my Gramps still holds a special place for his Alma Mater in his heart. Here's where it all began.... well, not geographically, but in spirit.

Muscle memory is an incredible phenomenon... no, I did not attempt the 1-turn, but managed to do a thumb-toss and the rest of the routine while keeping in tempo. That's something, right?

Mama caught the booty pop on the field. When in doubt, make weird faces - my life motto it seems.

Overall, an extreme success, I'd say. A large turnout and so much support! I love seeing the love for alumni year after year! Such a great tradition!

Once a Bison, always a Bison.

xxxx

Fleas for Free

Poor fur babies have been exposed to a nasty flea infestation and thus we begin the eradication of the tricksy buggers... They certainly are a pain in the butt!

Mr. Theo has been quite a trooper over his mini vacation with us and Loki has been a dear looking after him and comforting the shy little guy whenever I have company - he's still a bit skiddish around anyone but me.

Baths galore and plenty of flea-combing has been had....and of course, lots of treats for the cooperating doll babies. Miss Athena is also heading to her forever-home and we're already missing her dearly....

Netflix is helping to curb the sting of missing Miss Athena and to cope with the annoyance of the flea termination process... While I know I'll be seeing the little warrior princess quite often, I still can't help but miss waking up to her sweet snuggles in the morning.

xxxx

Job Hunting for the Work Fanatics

September has proven another busy month with the continuation of my MBA degree in term II. Managerial Accounting and Business Analytics are not as terrifying and intimidating as I had first thought, especially after taking the prerequisite module for Business Analytics {I barely passed, which is embarrassing to say}.

Working full-time plus part-time while studying and actively seeking new employment is mentally draining, but you have to be willing to put in the time and effort in order to reap the rewards. Stagnation is not an option for career development and goal-seekers.

Crazy times have meant time for a new 'do to change things up just a tad.

Through my experience in the interviewing and hiring process at work, as well as personal experience with current job-hunting and browsing for tips become evident how crucial one's résumé is for simply getting through the door - it's often the first presentation of who you are and what you can do.

• Résumé Etiquette: Do's and Don't's
• The Perfect Résumé: What You Need to Know to Have One
• Résumé Etiquette: Do's & Don't's for a Modern Résumé

And don't forget to ask questions back - the interview is just about seeing if you are a good fit for that particular employee as you are as a potential employee for that company.

• 10 Interview Questions You Should Ask

Or, you could be like this guy to stand out among the ranks. Everyone needs their own Key Strategic Differentiator {KSD}; it seems like a 4-year degree won't cut it anymore, and so, it's up to the individual to figure out how to shine {and continue to do so once they've been offered, and accepted, the position}.

It can be a bit daunting at times, no joke...

Amidst the chaos of finding my KSD, luckily I have the sweet chickadees at home to provide plenty of snuggles and stress relief. There have been scientific studies granting evidence to lower stress levels and elevated happiness for pet owners. Kittens are certainly gifted at sharing the love.

xxxx

Ex's & Oh's

When it comes to relationships, not everyone can remain on cordial terms with a previous significant other due to the nature of the breakup and/or relationship itself. That being said, I'm at least happy I have maintained friendly acquaintances at least with the guys with whom I was "official," i.e. it was not casual dating, but legit bf/gf labels used.

It's rather strange in that no matter how much time has passed, often the past memories seem as though they were yesterday, a younger version of ourselves remembered as an almost dream-like visionary, quite possibly distorted by our own concept of self rather than reality.

I view friendship as a wondrous thing in life, not to be taken lightly nor to be cast aside so frivolously as a casual summer fling, albeit sometimes we can acquire acquaintances from such when we learn compatibility is simply not there with that individual.

To be in a relationship, remembering how much time and effort was put into it, can take a toll on body and soul when those threads are worn thin, a mere semblance of what it was as the two enter the realm of friendship and leave the romance out of the equation.

It takes a great deal of time {or sometimes not so much} to learn someone's shortcomings and all of the beautifully intricate fibers of their being that it is damn near impossible for them to not leave some sort of etching upon your soul, and you on theirs as well. We learn the good, the bad, and the ugly of someone's character which can often translate well into knowing how they tick as they continue to have you back in the aftermath of a romance that just did not work out.

All relationships, platonic or more, can become life lessons on how we treat others, learn from one another, and also help us grow and learn about ourselves as well.

While some view it as harmful or toxic to be friends with one's ex, I see it as a beautiful thing, provided boundaries are made and kept.

xxxx

Support Squad

Taking on the tribulations of the world alone is something not even Batman can do - he has the help of cheeky Alfred to keep him grounded and the Batmobile well maintained.

I'm thankful for the love and support of friends and family by my side who are there to celebrate the moments that need celebrated, grieve in times of mourning, offer a listening ear and wise words, and kick my a$$ when they suspect my path turning dark.

Mummy sent some goodies to feed my belly, Thank You notes for future interviews, goodies for Superman, and of course, it was all packed neatly into Loki and Athena's new jungle gym.

After being in a fog, mind befuddled by the effort of tryiing not to drown in the inept feelings I had of myself and the seemingly impossibly large bite of life I was attempting to chew and swallow, being challenged by a person in authority was potentially the shock I needed to shake me to my senses.

Depression hurts. Mentally, physically, emotionally. The one depressed is not the only one affected, but the ones surrounding the afflicted can be the catalysts of change, offering their kind hearts to help build the ladder out of the hole. Granted, it will take time, but it's time I'm willing to invest for happiness.

The BBL {Big Boss Lady} is back. For my fellow BBL's, enjoy a few laughs from this "advice" comic for women leadership then continue to do what you do best: kicking butt and paving the way for the next wave of women leaders.

While we can't remove all of the negativity from our lives, little changes will quickly add up. Looking at the bigger picture is opening my eyes again. I can do this.

• 8/18 - bought my last Monster and it's been in the fridge ever since
• 8/24 - back on the LoseIt! App to hold myself accountable
• Ordered my first regimen of Rodan + Fields unblemish

New hair always ensures a mood boost and this darker, Merlot-colored mop is signifying a new beginning for my psyche.

While I'm not completely depriving myself of the "bad" stuff, aka the finer things in life, everything in moderation is going to be a new mantra, something with which I've had issues before. Finding ways to enjoy yummy beer while regaining that happy little 6-pack I used to have and of which I have only been able to maintain about a 1/3...

Cheers to the little happies in the world and the small changes to continuous improvement {business terms applying themselves to life}. And here's to completing my first term of MBA courses! 10 courses to go!

And, as always, my sidekicks keep me company while I try to figure out the puzzle of life.

xxxx

Dating 101: Trust Essentials

Trust is the foundation of any relationship, whether that be with family, friends, significant other, and especially one's hairdresser.

With the drop of a few words or hidden pictures found through unkind ways with pure intentions, or unspoken plans later revealed, feelings can get hurt and emotions run rampart. When you love someone, it does not have to be unconditionally. There can be boundaries, there can be common courtesy rules, and one can have expectations.

Relationships should be a mixture of independence and co-dependence in the sense that each party should feel they are their own, unique individual capable of tackling the world one day at a time on their own terms, but having the love and support from the other for those moments of weakness or when a little reassurance that everything will be okay is needed. Each should complement the other half, not overbear or attempt to cage a free spirit.

Self-love, a difficult and taboo subject for me, is just as important as loving another. Without that ingredient, it's difficult to establish the mutual respect required between two parties. Fully appreciating oneself is just as crucial as appreciating the lovely people in one's life. Standing up for your heart is not the same as being combative or overbearing, but something that can strengthen the ties and help ensure both sides are happy, giving and receiving the love they deserve and crave.

Bottling it up won't help the situation even if it seems the easy way out.

Cats' love is pretty simple: they frolic about and alternate between grooming and kicking one another in the face, sometimes simultaneously. At the end of the day, the biting stops and they're love bugs and sometimes my sweethearts let me in on the snugs.

Understandably, human relationships are more complex, but I feel we make them unnecessarily so in comparison to fur babies. Case in point: I give Loki noms, and he gives me cuddles, win-win and I only receive the occasional bite to the face to remind me who's really in charge. I'm digging that kind of simplistic love because it works and doesn't leave a tear nor doubt.

When all else fails, coming home to kitty snuggles is never sad nor lonely.

A smile and new septum ring arriving in time for a good night with friends sure isn't sad nor lonely either :)

xxxx

Funktown

Two beautiful kittens, Loki and Athena, and Mr. Theo safe in the loving hands of my kitty whispurrrer Gramps...these snuggle bugs are what keep me going lately and also provide the snuggling distraction from life's more unpleasant aspects {or from doing homework for a few minutes}.

Tonight I completed my first MBA course, the Legal Environment of Business, which was a particularly fascinating class to me having enjoyed Business Law so much and find the legalities of business, both domestic and foreign, rather interesting. Despite this feeling of accomplishment, the excitement seemed to be diminished as my motivation continues to deteriorate.

School has provided a positive stressor as I strive to do my best, knowing the classes will be enjoyable and applicable, and that it's a major stepping stone in my career. With multiple job applications in the pot on the chance of a happier work environment, even if it comes with a smaller paycheck, I'm pushing myself to believe that it will work out, that I won't be stuck due to circumstances.

Trust me, if financially feasible, I'd love to drop it all after using up my PTO and simply disappear, traveling the US with Loki bear in my front seat and the majority of my stuff either sold or in storage. C'est la vie, non?

I want to find that inner wild child again...I have not seen that carefree, gung-ho girl in a while or she remains dormant for the majority of the time, only coming out on special occasions. I find I hardly know myself anymore and it makes me want to crawl deeper inside the cocoon of inner sanctuary I've begun to build up again to keep the bad {and some good, too} out.

With so many happy things going well in my life, it's still difficult to fully appreciate these beautiful moving parts as I should because I'm sucked down in the mud by my own inhibitions and worrisome thoughts. Depression often does not allow one to put things into perspective as the average cognitive mind may...instead, the depressed are all too acute to the surroundings and negative cues of what is going and may go wrong.

However, while depression may come in phases, more prominent in certain moments and weakened demons depending on who is around, it is not something that cannot be overcome again and again. On that same token, the taboo of depression is not so readily discussed nor understood.

The will to happiness can be a strong one.

As Albus Dumbledore {J.K. Rowling, mind you} said:

Happiness can be found, if only it remembers to turn on the light.

xxx 

Self-Love & Kitten Snuggles

A blank canvas.

This is how every blog post begins as I sometimes struggle to put thought to fingers to Blogger.

Self-love has been a prevalent topic for me lately as I struggle to find that balance, among other juggling acts I'm holding down. It's easy to get down in the dumps when sh*t starts to hit the fan or life's responsibilities are bottle-necking for priority to be tackled.

The mirror still holds its status as arch-nemesis with my own mind standing firm as enemy #1 - the saying goes that we're our own worst critic and I agree this rings pretty true, yet we can also be our own cheerleader and motivator to push through the hardships and overwhelming times.

Tackling one problem at a time seems to be a dogmatic way to address the issues of today and show up the demons of the past that you is kind, you is smart, you is important.

Fred + Far is a company taking hold of the niche market of those needing a little pick-me-up in the self-love department by offering a pinky ring, a self-engagement aaaaand I'd be lying if I said I wasn't intrigued. With a price tag of $150-325 {free shipping with purchases of $300 or more!}, it's a reasonable price for some major bling.

Realizing I'm constantly tired {and after reading this lovely article} has made me more aware of how important it is to maintain that self-love and continuous improvement to find and retain that internal happiness.

The fur sweethearts definitely help in that department as well. Kitty snuggles are the best part of coming home!!

More importantly, in the end:

Fred + Far

xxxx

Flowers and shell-shocked kittens

Temporary halt on production....

Anticipation is mounting with the start of classes starting this week {have I mentioned how excited I am??} and also a bit sleep-deprived from all of the excitement of the past few days off. Hello, Breaking Benjamin & Disturbed!

Returning home from the long trek up to Niagara Falls, a little nap was needed, plus some snuggles with the babies before I went in for work on Monday.

It's always so tough to go back to reality after such a lovely time away...how do you combat these reluctance to come back from cloud 9 of wanderlust?

Coming home to a bouquet of flowers and a note after running errands certainly helped! {perhaps less, or even in-, significant to some, but as I had never received flowers from a boy before.....}

Combined with these lovely roses, to tackle the onset of wanderlust blues, I've taken on a new warden: Superman and his grandfather found a kitty mumma and her kittens. This particular one made the mistake {or perhaps fortune} of being captured. Newly Christened "Theo" received a nice, long bath to rid him of dirt and debris and yucky fleas and then promptly took a nap all snug like a bug in a warm, cozy rug.

....this was after he screeched like a velociraptor and hissed so emphatically that he >popped< at the end like a big bubble. Poor thing sure was frightened and quite confused about everything and anything near him.

>what the hell is you doing to meh?<

<what is that thing in front of my face, large object restraining me?<

Eventually, he stopped hissing at me and making me jump....

>what are you doing, hooman? why are your lips on me?<

Theo is like many men: the key to their heart is food.

Little tiger was hungry and wouldn't eat from Athena and Loki's bowls so I hand-fed him to win his little heart over. Loki and Athena play so hard together that they didn't spend much time on whom they viewed as a little foreigner to them.

Hidden, fed, and {thank goodness} a quick learner at using the litter box, Theo was A-okay while I continued my time off with a crazy night of music in Virginia with some fun peeps.

Blurred lines of chaos and pure bliss - oh, how I've missed the rush of a brilliant rock show! Truthfully, I was a little bummed I missed one of Small Town Titans local shows whilst I was out of town as they seem to be occurring so infrequently as of late since they returned from tour....

...however, Breaking Benjamin and Disturbed {and a PokemonGo-entertained car ride to Virginia with some kickass people} was a fantastic show and I was quite thrilled to have been invited along ^_^

Here's to more adventures, rock shows, and kitty tales {tails}!

xxxx

Two is Better than One

I'm well on my way of becoming a crazy cat lady....kitty #2 is already well-adjusted to my little one-bedroom apartment.

My jealous Loki bear did not seem to appreciate me bringing home a friend, especially after being so spoiled in my care. Poor baby had to be locked out of my bedroom so little Athena and I could sleep....

This little nugget left a nice present on my bed right after this picture... Kitties aren't without their surprises.

I'm hoping these two muffins will become the best of kitty friends...after the sniffing and hissing is all finished...

For now, nap time is about the only thing they can agree upon, but at least it provides a bit of solace while I spend time snuggling these two babies and making them play nice.

Miss Athena is all about snuggles and giving kisses!

xxxx