Thursday, August 11, 2016


Two beautiful kittens, Loki and Athena, and Mr. Theo safe in the loving hands of my kitty whispurrrer Gramps...these snuggle bugs are what keep me going lately and also provide the snuggling distraction from life's more unpleasant aspects {or from doing homework for a few minutes}.

Tonight I completed my first MBA course, the Legal Environment of Business, which was a particularly fascinating class to me having enjoyed Business Law so much and find the legalities of business, both domestic and foreign, rather interesting. Despite this feeling of accomplishment, the excitement seemed to be diminished as my motivation continues to deteriorate.

School has provided a positive stressor as I strive to do my best, knowing the classes will be enjoyable and applicable, and that it's a major stepping stone in my career. With multiple job applications in the pot on the chance of a happier work environment, even if it comes with a smaller paycheck, I'm pushing myself to believe that it will work out, that I won't be stuck due to circumstances.

Trust me, if financially feasible, I'd love to drop it all after using up my PTO and simply disappear, traveling the US with Loki bear in my front seat and the majority of my stuff either sold or in storage. C'est la vie, non?

I want to find that inner wild child again...I have not seen that carefree, gung-ho girl in a while or she remains dormant for the majority of the time, only coming out on special occasions. I find I hardly know myself anymore and it makes me want to crawl deeper inside the cocoon of inner sanctuary I've begun to build up again to keep the bad {and some good, too} out.

With so many happy things going well in my life, it's still difficult to fully appreciate these beautiful moving parts as I should because I'm sucked down in the mud by my own inhibitions and worrisome thoughts. Depression often does not allow one to put things into perspective as the average cognitive mind may...instead, the depressed are all too acute to the surroundings and negative cues of what is going and may go wrong.

However, while depression may come in phases, more prominent in certain moments and weakened demons depending on who is around, it is not something that cannot be overcome again and again. On that same token, the taboo of depression is not so readily discussed nor understood.

The will to happiness can be a strong one.

As Albus Dumbledore {J.K. Rowling, mind you} said:
Happiness can be found, if only it remembers to turn on the light.


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