a blue xmas without you.

Christmas.

There always seems to be this great build-up to the holiday season, with a tendency of people forgetting everything in between Columbus Day and Christmas Eve {how rude to downplay Halloween every year!}. Stores begin stuffing their shelves with red and green around the same time they're hanging up various polyester blend costumes on the racks.

Loki was certainly not in the holiday spirit as we spent Xmas Eve Eve together attempting to make the apartment spotless for Mummy & Fajer. Not quite sure if he was just sick of me or having to pose for cute pictures to send to various people.

In an effort of being a better friend and get into more of the holiday cheerful spirit, I spent the greater part of the night with my dear friend Nicole, enjoying good beer, delicious food, and lovely tunes. Tree was playing at one of my former favorite haunts in E-town, Funk Brewing Company.

My holiday tradition of waking up on Xmas in Victoria Secret flannels was broken as I rang in holiday at work, covering two-3rd shifts Xmas Eve and Xmas night. Fairly slow nights, but gave me some more appreciation for those working in emergency positions for which there are no true holidays - sickness doesn't stop for presents or cheer.

Loki wasn't feeling the cheer and was against his bow, but was patient enough to pose for a picture with his bow on his wrist. He couldn't stand it on his collar.

Luckily, he was more than willing to take time out of his day to snuggle up close to me while I rested in between festivities and work. I'm guessing all the lovin' from my parents really tuckered my sweet fur baby out. While we didn't get the most sleep, they were quality cuddles.

Naturally, I had to document {more for myself than anything} that I was able to dress up a bit in between donning the UHS polo and khakis. Cleaned up fairly well with minimal sleep, no?

Santa deemed a was a good girl this year: beautiful Silpada earrings from Sissy & some bling bling from Superman. Feeling grateful I could spend the holiday with these two, as well as friends and family <3

2016 is coming to a close, but it was one of many blessings amid the trials and tribulations.

Loki poo got some snuggles in with his favorite auntie while I had to bite the dust and head to work for the night....Loki's first Xmas was a success!

More to come ;)

xxxx

Support Squad

Taking on the tribulations of the world alone is something not even Batman can do - he has the help of cheeky Alfred to keep him grounded and the Batmobile well maintained.

I'm thankful for the love and support of friends and family by my side who are there to celebrate the moments that need celebrated, grieve in times of mourning, offer a listening ear and wise words, and kick my a$$ when they suspect my path turning dark.

Mummy sent some goodies to feed my belly, Thank You notes for future interviews, goodies for Superman, and of course, it was all packed neatly into Loki and Athena's new jungle gym.

After being in a fog, mind befuddled by the effort of tryiing not to drown in the inept feelings I had of myself and the seemingly impossibly large bite of life I was attempting to chew and swallow, being challenged by a person in authority was potentially the shock I needed to shake me to my senses.

Depression hurts. Mentally, physically, emotionally. The one depressed is not the only one affected, but the ones surrounding the afflicted can be the catalysts of change, offering their kind hearts to help build the ladder out of the hole. Granted, it will take time, but it's time I'm willing to invest for happiness.

The BBL {Big Boss Lady} is back. For my fellow BBL's, enjoy a few laughs from this "advice" comic for women leadership then continue to do what you do best: kicking butt and paving the way for the next wave of women leaders.

While we can't remove all of the negativity from our lives, little changes will quickly add up. Looking at the bigger picture is opening my eyes again. I can do this.

• 8/18 - bought my last Monster and it's been in the fridge ever since
• 8/24 - back on the LoseIt! App to hold myself accountable
• Ordered my first regimen of Rodan + Fields unblemish

New hair always ensures a mood boost and this darker, Merlot-colored mop is signifying a new beginning for my psyche.

While I'm not completely depriving myself of the "bad" stuff, aka the finer things in life, everything in moderation is going to be a new mantra, something with which I've had issues before. Finding ways to enjoy yummy beer while regaining that happy little 6-pack I used to have and of which I have only been able to maintain about a 1/3...

Cheers to the little happies in the world and the small changes to continuous improvement {business terms applying themselves to life}. And here's to completing my first term of MBA courses! 10 courses to go!

And, as always, my sidekicks keep me company while I try to figure out the puzzle of life.

xxxx

I Can Hear the Bells

On Saturday, my beautiful and smarty pants best friend tied the knot with her sweet love {and also became an aunt}.

And what a lovely day for a wedding!

The day started off with extra exciting news as the world welcomed in the birth of Grace Elaine a few short hours before the wedding. I guess Baby wanted to make a grand entrance as she was a week late.

Walker Gardens in Bigler, PA offered quite the view! For more info, visit their Facebook page, or for some more info on the lovely areas surrounding my hometown, Explore PA History.

My pretty sis looking pretty and cool in her breezy dress and sandals.

Heidi's favorite color is purple so she had her bridesmaids dressed in three varying shades. The dark purple looked lovely on her second oldest sister, especially with the cute baby bump :)

Little sister Ali looked stunning in her lighter shade of purple.

Luckily, I didn't look too out of place with red hair and fair skin. So honored to be by her side as Maid of Honor!

The absolutely stunning bride. Yes, indeed, I teared up a bit seeing my best friend walk down the aisle. The look on her face...dang. Her face beamed with all of the love and happiness and simply radiated from her.

Miles certainly lit up as her father lifted her mother's bridal veil, which was her "something borrowed."

Slightly washed out lighting, but Mummy looks fiiiiiiine.

Sister lovin' to the utmost level.

Mummy and her girlies, fierce ladies all around and two of my favorite people.

Overall, a lovely day and I couldn't be happier for the couple! I may be a little jealous of their adventure across the country to the state of Washington!

Mr. and Mrs. Miles Ridgway...has a nice ring to it, non?

Best of wishes and much love to the new couple!

xxxx

On Sanity {and attempts at keeping it}

As mentioned in the previous post, work has proven to be a test on my sanity, often making me feel crazy....like I'm not doing enough yet also feeling overwhelmed with biting off more than I can swallow all in the vain attempt to prove myself worthy of more and more responsibility in the hopes of a potential promotion in the future, to climb the ranks, to show I'm not a silly 23yo girl with a fancy piece of educationally-produced paper, but someone who's ready to take on the world and its problems.

Yet, while I've learned a lot in the past 10 months, 6 days of being in this position, I'm beginning to feel there may be no light at the end of the tunnel, no way of reaching the next rung on the corporate ladder, stuck in limbo of going above and beyond my job description while others toil away with their incompetency.

When work begins to creep into the innermost crevices of one's personal life, perhaps a reevaluation is in order as far as priorities and life goals/desires go... With these consistent mood swings and feeling of dread of going into work, often resulting in a sickening, dizzy headache are signs that this whole work/life balance is entirely out of wack. Monday was the most recent episode: what was to be a brief visit with Superman for a mood-lifting pep talk resulted in increased dread and lightheadedness as the time for work crept closer, causing me to call in that I'll be late so I could mentally calm down and make the world stop spinning, a physical reaction on my vision as my internal stability feels so fragile at times.

While life is full of sacrifices, events are missed because life calls and responsibilities must be fulfilled, but when this is a constant, encroaching phenomenon which takes me away from friends and family, there is an issue. There are events coming up which I refuse to miss: my besties' weddings in April & May, another friend's wedding in May, Heidi's graduation, and a few others dotted here and there...

Time with friends is needed to maintain those wondrous relationships and for a battery recharge.

The one and only Nickove, as photographed for unTappd

Got away for an evening and saw my lovely friend Nickove a few weeks ago {my sense of time is completely off anymore} and it was a pretty darn good night full of live music and old buds from college. On nights like those, all work thoughts go out the window as I enjoy the company of others and catch up on the exciting things in their lives - that's how relationships operate: sharing our treasured moments with the great people in our lives and taking time to get together in order to have shared memories to further enrich our lives.

I feel work is taking that away from me....a sense of livelihood and purpose outside of the walls of that hospital basement. Lunch with Superman certainly grants a getaway from the same-old, same-old as well as provides an outlet for my steam as he patiently listens and offers the superhero wisdom he possesses...

Yesterday, the better part of my afternoon was spent in Lancaster, gallivanting about the city in search of good brews and snacks at some new {to me} venues. Finding time to explore, even if it's in an area not too far away from me helps to relieve my wanderlust blues so I don't feel so trapped in this mental prison I've too often found myself locked inside in regards to work.

My anger spiked from incoming emails of scheduling issues which can easily be managed - if managed right - but were sent to me like I can magically fix them, as though it is my duty to placate everyone when they're forced to step up to the plate, their shortcomings slowly coming to light as they are incapable of filling in when and where needed... I speak truths not to sound uppity, but to put words to the swirling mists in my mind, questioning why grown men twice my age cannot see the greater picture or look beyond their plights when there are greater staffing issues on other days - certain people cannot be the ones to fix all of the gaps nor should their be varying expectations when it comes to management...questioning is it really worth the anger and bitterness accumulating in my soul?

A beautiful walk in the city following the silencing of my work cell, speaking with Superman of how beautiful my mini adventure was turning out to be most definitely calmed me down so I could continue on in my exploration... Hit spots included {which, of course, I'll be reviewing on Trip Advisor}:

• The Character Pub
• The Fridge
• Tellus360

After another explosion riveted with expletives and exasperation over the phone with Superman, last night I had my work phone shoved in a corner of my living room while I went off to enjoy some brews with my Big Bro as we waited for Tree to catch up with us. {Shameless plug for Funk Brewing in E-town}

As Big Bro pointed out, it's certainly okay that I talk to friends about my work frustrations, but it shouldn't get to the point where I have to do so in order to avoid such outbursts of anguish... the fact that it is infringing upon my happiness in my personal life is clear indication this may simply not be the job for me and that's okay, too. There are other places of employment and perusing until I find a job in which I can use my talents and also enjoy {as well as leave at the office or take home sparingly} seems to be my next step in the next several months...

Life's too short to go raving mad, albeit we're all a bit mad around here...we'll see how crazy I'm willing to be in the hunt for professional satisfaction.

xxx

Running to get away

Metaphorically {and sometimes physically}

I'm fairly certain many people have that love/hate relationship with working out {okay, there are a plethora of people who love it, as I love bed...} but sometimes, taking to the pavement can provide that little escape needed, relinquishing focus from the "real world" to pushing through the onset of fatigue. Feelings can be funneled into energy, transferring anger or sadness into the fuel to push through another block...

For others, it's for a sense of accomplishment, those feel-good vibes from achieving a PR or getting through a particularly rough run. While I know I'm a slowpoke, I still {semi} enjoy lacing up my shoes and getting lost in a earful of Eminem and whatever other rapper who floods my headphones via the Rap Strength Training Radio station on Pandora.

The past weekend, my uncle went to run his 9th marathon - 9th! - at Virginia Beach. For him, I think running was a bit of a getaway at first and now, it's pretty dang impression what he's done.

It was pretty dang cold with 30mph winds and temps down in the 40s, but he persevered and finished with the other runners.

I think during my runs, a mental getaway from work & life....I used to run to try to run away from problems, knowing full well that they'll all be waiting for me to return from the road, but now it offers some clarity, a place to put pent-up energy before I lose my goddamn mind from the insanity that works has proven to be, as well as when I'm upset about silly insecurities or personal relationships. But, alas, we all must learn the age-old wisdom that we can't truly run away from our problems - the past and present still follows us around like an ambivalent shroud, a culmination of good & bad by design, as life often is.

Hmm perhaps I shall get back into the "good" habit of regular runs to reap the rewards of the endorphins and noticeably tauter buns...it's a much better solution to anxiety and feeling powerless in overwhelming feelings of doubt, uncertainty, etc. Sure, some do it for the fitness, I get it, but to be honest, those effects are only great side effects for me, not true motivators - I know myself all too well to try to fool myself into thinking otherwise.

Here's to seemingly futile attempts at retaining my sanity in the sanctity of running wild {figuratively and literally}.

xxx

Xmas from the heart

My 10yo cousin very much still believes in Santa and the mysterious way in which he gobbles up the cookies every year while she's tucked away in her bed. As tradition, I wrote the 'thank you' note as Santa, thanking her and also telling her I hope she remembers the true meaning of Xmas and to cherish the time spent with family.

Incredibly enough, I realized my own neglect in this area: busy working what seems like around the clock and have not spent nearly as much time as I would like with friends and family.... Having C3 in the car shop for repair does not help matters either {insert sad face here}.

A few highlights from Xmas:

I was lucky enough to have more-than-accommodating parents who picked my working butt up after a short {ha!} 12hr shift at work and then promptly fell asleep at my Nana's house after texting a select few that cheerful "Merry Christmas" text as we do in this day and age, counting down the seconds until it is "officially" Christmas.

This year's outfit: crushed velvet ShopPriceless skirt, favorite pullover sweater {similar}, Star Wars belt, thigh-high stockings, and new loafers.

Gag gifts are inevitable. My fav? Poo-dough, complete with yellow dough to make realistic corn pellets.

I may or may not have worn this in public during the travels of the day....

Obsessed with new robe! And friends found it a real hoot when I posted on social media.

I'm all set for when my favorite Wookie comes a-calling for a romantic date....once he's done saving the galaxy, of course.

Mama set me up for my aspirations at becoming a savant in pancake-making with a super sweet griddle. Chocolate-chip pancakes, anyone?

While gifts should not be the focal point of the holidays, I do quite enjoy giving thoughtful gifts and spreading cheer with something they would like, or something they would love but would never buy for themselves.

Spreading the love, surrounded by good food and wine, and good company - that's what the holidays are about, eh? Taking time away from the real-world problems and focusing on what truly matters. Time's too short not to take time to unwind with the ones who have your back through thick and thin, and to share the love with stories and sweets.

Did I mention I loved the robe?