Halloweenie Birthday Girl

I've made a commitment to myself to do something crazy for every birthday since my 21st in Paris. For my 22nd, I treated myself to a{n early} bday prezzie of seeing Christina Perri onstage when she opened for Demi Lovato. Nobody likes you when you're 23, so I hiked it to Chicago and Nashville for a long, solo bus adventure. This year: skydiving.

As much as I would have loved to have gone to some exotic far, far away place, but, alas, had to be somewhat practical and realistic with the pile of homework and being short-staffed at work, which all added up to something more local.

Loki waited up with me to ring in a new
year on planet Earth at midnight

Woke up early after a late night {like I was going to catch more than a few winks of sleep anyways} and drove the hour, hour and a half to the plane hangar where the aircrafts and professional skydivers were awaiting to fulfill the rush the adrenaline junkies were craving.

I did a free fall of 5 stories; what was jumping out of a rickety plane over 2 miles above ground?

The wait was well worth it! The view was incredible and quite a smooth ride as we glided down in tandem. Definitely recommend doing it at least once!

Afterwards, Superman and I went out for Halloween - I was super pumped to wear my Sweet Pea costume and embody the BA character from Sucker Punch. My thigh-high boots were a nice touch, albeit I wasn't bleaching my hair again...

Miss Athena McFee, warrior princess kitty

Halloween is my favorite holiday. I love playing dress up and people watching to see some of the creative ensembles put together. It all adds to the fun!

On Halloween day, I had the morning off, so Loki and I were both kitties until I had to wash my nose off to go back to the work grind...

Loki was eating up allllll the love and snuggles he was getting! He was also digging my kitty cat bodysuit from Meowington's since it gave me better mobility to chase him around the apartment and play to his little kitty heart's content.

All in all, great weekend - a tad sad as we head into November and are one day closer to hearing dreadful Xmas music long before it's appropriate and the inevitable PA snow.

xxxx

A Woman's Worth

Why do we use the feminine pronoun for cars, boats, means of transportation on which men ride, etc...? Perhaps because that's "how it has always been" or because there has been a societal inclination to value femininity on some pedestal, making vehicles comparable to a woman. {Thinking out loud}

What does "ladylike" and "feminine" even mean? {Aside from the dictionary meaning, smart aleck} Can't women be strong, timid, brave, rugged, pristine, tomboyish, enjoy Tonka Trucks and Barbie dolls, etc.? Once again, I take it one step beyond in order to be thought-provoking... I see how magazines collaborate life and fashion, but it all still seems hokey in the scheme of things, with an intent on morphing us for improvement towards societal ideals. Even in the 21st century, there's still that fight to prove oneself in the dog-eat-dog "man's world."

My parents have told me before to be more "ladylike" and that I'm "not with the boys anymore," referencing my high school years of wrestling on the boys' team. This is where the questioning comes in - what makes one "ladylike," these archaic societal rules of crossing one's legs, wearing dresses.... Perhaps what they meant was I should be more mindful {okay, I've stopped burping at the table as we're not in an Eastern country which views this as polite}. Yet this could be counted as somewhat counter-intuitive as they have taught me the meaning of hard work and independence so my sister and I would never have to depend upon someone else, but be interdependent, which is how I've always viewed my parents - equal partners in life and marriage.

On a deeper, more personal scale, I still struggle with my own feeling of self worth, whether that be as a woman, a career-goer, friend, daughter. After years of correlating the size of  my pants with personal success, a constant battle to excel in the acceleration of grades and accomplishments while simultaneously accounting a declination in weight as a metric. Any misdeed, any mishap or mistake, any screw up, and I felt myself unworthy to eat that day or should be punished with an extra 500 crunches. In my mind, I deserved the punishment because any wrongdoing meant I sucked for messing up. Those feelings of self-doubt don't simply cease, albeit it seems so much easier to prove my muster externally than convince myself otherwise...

However, this is perverse way of thinking is not an isolated case, but a prevalent occurrence, self-doubt being an infectious worm infiltrating even the best of minds {not that mine falls into that category...}

Touching gingerly upon taboo subjects {among older generations}, tattoos and piercings - I had an intricately spun spiel on such matters in my Notes app which is conveniently inaccessible in my currently broken iPhone, but may be recoverable upon its resuscitation, these more detailed options may need to wait...as such, why are these seen as either an enhancer or detractor on women? Why can't they be taken as they are, art? Just as equally, so is bare skin; it is our choices to make our bodies into the type of art we wish to project. Our skin, it is a living, breathing chalice of life, whether it be permanently marked from ink or follies a{scars}, or not. Every etching upon the flesh has a story or a mere "just because," but even that lends itself to the beauty the body is...

Latest ink in her own handwriting: Love Grammy

Labels: why can't actions speak louder than the ink on our skin or the curvature of our face/body?

Multiple tangents unfolding and weaving all at once, I'm afraid.

xxxx

Update: dumb me forgot the last backup was at the end of January, so no go on those Notes... *sigh*

Happy Belly, Warm Heart

Powerful words. Imagine the possibility?

In an evolving virtual world of selfies and increasing self-centeredness, it is also one full of increasing self-consciousness, hiding behind the camera lens to mask the insecurities... but there's always something we like about ourselves, no? Whether it's a small brown freckle hidden under our arm or the multiple colors displayed in our eyes only to those who look closely enough, any little bit of love counts when combating insecurities trapped inside our heads.

Whether it's physical or intangible elements, if we were borderline obsessive about these wondrous traits we love, we could eventually focus on the whole beautiful picture, and further push our potential, achieving even more than our dizziest daydreams could fathom...wild.

I've made a goal of telling myself one thing I love about myself each and every day, happy or sad or lazy mood. Today, I love the way the little formation of brown freckles on my right arm which form an upside-down J - my first and last initial.

New H&M crop top; thrift store booties (woot!);
ol' favorite skirt from 10th grade: all ready for the world.

My outfit was also on pointe, so that helped boost my confidence as well. Lapping up these last few warm days while I can! Hello, bare vampire-tanned legs!

My fedora completed the look, but as usual, last minute pick-up as I rushed out the door for much needed grocery shopping. $.66 avocados were calling my name, as well as some lettuce and 'licious chocolate.

{I'm sorry, fellow drivers, who may have been subjected for the disgusting way I inhaled that small cookie dough chocolate bar}

I may have a slight obsession with cooking now....Mummy would be so proud! Taking simple ideas and running wiiiiiild. Ain't nobody got time for recipes...

There is a fabulous website called Supercook which I may be utilizing when I'm too lazy/busy {if that makes sense...} to go grocery shopping and am down to a few last, random items. Eggs are fairly versatile, as are veggie burgers and there's always rice or Ramen on hand. *drooling over the last Ramen meal I made*

Healthier, shmealthier. Let's be real, veggies are typically cheaper and I'm too lazy to cook meat so my laziness pays off in making healthier decisions easier.

If only I could resist the temptation of sweets...they are vegetarian after all...

Friday adventures to nowhere

As much as I enjoy going into work {yes, I realize employers love to hear this, but it's genuinely true for me}, I've also realized the importance of taking the time to recharge batteries and sometimes, doing seemingly nothing while actually doing something.

Breaking away from the outside world, unplugging from social media and work problems is crucial for body and soul....and sanity.

Growing up, through elementary, middle, high school, and then Uni, I was constantly on the go, go, go...too busy to even consider the possibility of being ill, albeit a decent immune system {despite sometimes eating like garbage} also helps. I guess all those years of the 5-second rule helped after all.

While I did go into work later than usual, I could not go without clocking in a few hours before cleaning myself up and getting into the office. In the meantime, romper and my favorite flannel lend a cozy hand in getting me through the morning.

It's incredible: even when I feel sicky, I still manage to get quite a bit done!

This whole work/life balance may prove a constant struggle with an ever-changing schedule, but flannels and clean sheets go a long way, even when you feel as though you're about to fall over.

Learn from my mistake: one fainting spell, several close calls, and a handful of panic attacks later, I'm realizing it's okay to be a legit lazy bum sometimes instead of, what I like to call, a productive lazy bum.

Productive lazy bum: a person capable of accomplishing many tasks, yet does not find the time to complete the simple mundane daily tasks such as showering, brushing their hair, or even getting dressed until evening.

 Another day, another crazy adventure to nowhere...

Women's clothing sizes make so much sense

As many women are in the habit of doing, I prefer to try on clothing, especially pants, before making such a hasty purchasing decision. I'm indecisive on clothes and will mull over my decision about 5x before finally placing the item back on the rack, having convinced myself it is not flattering or just isn't my color.

Even with more frequented stores, such as AE, I find myself in the constant guessing game of what size to pick up.

Men's pants sizes: cut & dry. Inseam & waistband.

What psychopath came up with the way in which women's pants are measured??

Yes, psychopath.

I'm constantly reminding myself of the need to purge my closet, only to conveniently never make it to that particular ticket item on my to-do list because I hate the hassle of doing so...my black dress pants are in some need of trying-on and donating which ones do not fit.

Why my pants don't make sense, a review:

• Dockers, size 4R: too short, taut {in a lovely, flattering way} across my bum
• Express, size 0: falling off of my hips, but contour to my bum in a nice way,  a tad long
• No Boundaries, Jrs. size 3: loose, a tad too long
• AE Jeggings, size 2: all depends on the day, quite frankly, either fit or are too loose
• Hot Topic jeggings, size 0 & 1: fit niiiiiicely

Mind you, I only post sizes for comparison; on any given day my size fluctuates, c'est la vie.

True, I could invest in a tailor, but I'm 22 and these dress pants are for running around a hospital, so it's no matter to me as long as they don't fall down. It's no wonder women feel added pressure to fit into a particular size. One size does not, indeed, fit across the board.

Size is relative...measurements are more precise...

Does anyone else have problems with their pants?? Yet another reason I prefer to simply not wear pants. Boots & socks are good enough for brisk weather.

Long live the pantsless leg season.

And Happy National Taco Day!

On traveling.

Traveling grants a special kind of release and escape unlike any other....that total submersion in a new {or well-visited} environment with varying sights, smells, people, culture....whether it's the next town over or halfway across the world, getting out of town and exploring gives me that special high-on-life feeling.

I've found my anxiety will build if I'm stuck in-town for too long, keeping up with the seeming monotony of work and play, despite the fun times had during my time away from the office. I love running and reading, but my stress levels will increase just because I need to get away.

I'm a born explorer.

I've found my inspiration for new ink already....a commitment to myself to get the hell out when necessary, for my wanderlust and for my sanity.

As much as I love technology, turning on airplane mode {aha!} so I could still use my phone's camera and leaving the work brick behind for NYC made for one of the best days in quite some time. We all have our little ticks and a list of go-to's when life has us battered and bruised {well, life has me bruised most of the time since I'm clumsy}.

These are relationship goals....but also aspirations for my future. My dream has been to travel for work, but if that does not happen for some time, then I can at least make it happen on my own time.

A couple saved and saved and packed up their shit to traveled to 26 countries in one year! Kudos to them!!! And some inspiration to me - I think I have some of my life finally mapped out...albeit opportunities have a funny way of popping up rather unexpectedly.

c/o the Follow me to project

The Follow Me To Project is one I've been following for some time...talk about relationship goals ;)

In essence, I was sucked in by the beauty of the project and by the wondrous places they have seen and captured on film together.

A fear of mine when I was with Lovely was that financial circumstances {student loans suck!} and the constant tugging on heart strings with a lure to comfort in that small town would hold us back...silly me, for he was ready to follow me to the ends of the earth simply for a chance to see me once again {I'm a corny romantic, okay?}.

This beautiful couple achieved what he and I had once planned on doing - seeing the world with one's one true love...

Logophile, bibliophile, nomadic wanderer....I'm ready for the next adventure!

On Tattoos and Piercings

I'm sorry, Mama,
I never meant to hurt you.
I never meant to make you cry,
but tonight, I'm cleaning out my closet.

Airing out the cobwebs of thoughts swirling in my mind, particularly when it comes to body modification aka ink and steel {tattoos and piercings}.

My Mum was none too thrilled when she saw the lovely e.e.cummings quote on my leg the day of uni graduation, but has come to understand hoc est corpus mium {this is my body}.

i carry your heart

(i carry it in my heart)

These beautiful lines hold a special place in my heart...those who are gone are never truly gone, tucked away in little crevices of our hearts where their memories lingers on long after their last breath.

I think of my Pop Pop and Grammie and the wondrous people who have passed on, as well as old friends whom I used to love from the bottom depths of my soul, with whom I no longer have much connection at all.

There's a certain taboo that tattoos are gawdy pieces of art displayed on the skin... like people, these permanent pieces of art can be big, small, realistic, stylized, colored, b&w....

The possibilities are endless. Ink requires quite the commitment {or the bank for future removal} so I can see why it is a big deal. However, it's also a form of expression or a means of beautifying one's body with significant symbols and words.

A cheeky little R2-D2 hides on my left hip, a comic-style homage to the fantastical world of droids and hyperspace.

While there are certain tattoo "fads" which come and go from time to time {mini mustaches from 2013 ring a bell?}, awareness for cancer and illness goes beyond what it is "in."

I love the message the semicolon conveys: an author inserts a semicolon when (s)he could have ended a sentence.

It's a continuance, holding on to an idea which could have so easily ended. In this, it is a sign of hope for those battling mental illness. A little reminder to myself that it's okay to seek help as friends have reached out to me in their times of need, I, too, can reach out to them when things just don't seem to be going well.

This semicolon represents my fight song.

Ka-Pow! Showing those negative inner voices who is boss in this world of chaos and pressures of perfection.

Messy hair, don't care

Oh! and my latest beauty... Easily shoved up my nose for work {have to remain professional when&where it counts}, loving my new septum piercing.

Sorry, Mummy.

A dainty little piercing....if you want to be a badass and have piercings all over, do you, honey. If that's your look, work it.

I only wish to provide a different facet to piercings and ink - people do them for various reasons and they can work for different looks!

When you see someone inked and pierced, don't judge. You don't know their story nor the significance of those beautiful images on their body. If you're part of the club, don't let the haters hate {might want to adhere to any dress codes for work to avoid confrontation...}.

We work to live, not live to work, so stay within the work parameters for those few hours on the work grind, but outside, be comfortable in your skin.

Time to clean and tuck the septum ring before work :)