I'm Feeling 22

It's been some time...

I've seen the world (a total of 10% according to Trip Advisor) and yet I've only begun to etch at the surface of the world, stomping down on such an insignificant amount of land in the scheme of things.

I traversed to Paris, alone, full of joy and the utmost lustiness of the vivacious hunger which one may find difficult to understand but for those most stricken with the wanderlust fever. That was how I spent my 21st birthday. Waking up to four men in my hostel that morning was quite the experience...

I was in four countries in roughly 15 hours...Leaving London behind in the morning to see the White Cliffs of Dover before taking the ferry to Calais, France...through Belgium...onto Amsterdam in the Netherlands, taking in sights, giggling and suddenly being transported back to those shy middle school days when friends and I walked among the Red Light District. It was as though the antiquated taboo of females and sex was on my mind; I felt shy for once in a great while.

I saw Bath, Oxford, Edinburgh, the Highlands, Edam, Volendam, Greenwich, Versailles, Wimbledon, and trudged all around London, taking in the sights, falling so miserably in love with the city...until that day arrived. I had to return and devastation took hold. Lovely picked me up and I cried at the sight of him...my former sweetheart picked me up and it was like I had never left, yet I was not who I was.

15lbs heavier from the food (nachos and haggis, mate), delicious beers and ciders, chocolate, and the sorrow of leaving the place which felt like home. One day...I shall return...

Days before returning to university, I was in a wreck which totaled my car and scarred me with a reminder of how sudden death may come. True, my initial thoughts were: Mum is going to kill me. The next thing to cross my mind was: I am going to die.

10 months later (and almost 20lbs lighter than when I left the country)....Lovely and I are no longer together, but remain friends. I've now been to Canada to see Niagara Falls; Winterthur, Gettysburg, Harper's Ferry; several battlefields, a tour through the New England states (16 total states visited and on my way to seeing all 48 continental by the time I'm 30); and met so many wonderful people.

My hair has gone from red to fading red to blonde to purple. I'm ready for the next adventure in life. Less than 5 weeks before graduation.

Hobey Ho, let's go.

Home is not a location (flashback 8)

After spending 3 months in the city about which I've always dreamed, I had no idea what to do with myself...it's similar to that moment after you've finished reading a prolifically profound book, fully engaged and wrapped up in its plot and characters, and have absolutely no idea how to feel or what to do with yourself.

How do I go on after having to leave London, a place that felt like home?

I realized, though, as I waited in customs at 1:37AM, texting Lovely and Mummy and announcing to the world via Facebook and Twitter that I had arrived back in the states, that maybe London was my temporary home and maybe London will be my future home, but home was waiting for me outside the gates of Newark International.

First US brekkie with Lovely since my return

Home was in the snow.

Home drove 7 hours in the snow in what should have been a 3 hour drive in order to pick me up from the airport... Home is not where we make it, but in whom we create it.

I had come back to the states and cried as I struggled in the snow with my clumsy, overly-stuffed suitcases and broken sewn-back-together laptop case. As soon as I hit the doors, I was frantically moving, not caring if I fell and ate the pavement. I saw his car, I was running as fast as my chubby legs and filled arms could carry move across the icy sidewalks.

This isn't a Nicholas Sparks novel, though. This is my life. While I think of my life as a comedy (and a far cry from the romantic comedy unless they're the ones in which the heroine discovers herself and her friends get the guys), this is no Hollywood film or scripted story. This night felt so damn right, though. We even grabbed McDonald's (what else is open at 2AM??) and shared a Rated-PG night at a Super 8, resisting the fatigue setting in after all of the excitement.

Life is grand, isn't it, when one is in love? As I have learned, you have to love and trust yourself in order to fully love another and it was this, and my disdain for my shortcomings and the sadness that ensued from leaving Europe and gaining so much weight that withdrew me from my old self and much of the world, struggling to see past the seemingly mundane when I had to go back and face reality at college without him there.

Rang in 2014 with the best

It sucked and resulted in me breaking up with my solid rock, only increasing my sadness, but also increasing my determination to lose the weight and find happiness here in the states by transferring my love of travel into positive energy (I swear I'm not a hippie).

Posts on summer travels to follow!! I finally surpassed number of states visited over number of foreign countries this summer!

Xmas markets are the BEST markets (Flashback 7)

My time in London draws near an end...only a few shorts weeks left.

Much to do, shopping to be done, things to see...running out of time, money, and the will to go back to the States.

There seems to be a lapse in my diary, made up for the numerous pictures which were taken despite the literary gap.

Do you hear the people sing?
Singing the song of angry men?

Kelsey and I saw Les Mis one night in the city and wow. It was beautiful.

Have you seen the film? Forget about it... not even close to comparison.

Yesssss, sir.

I've lost track of the number of food pictures I may or may not have taken...and by that, I mean I quite possibly have way far too many.

The Eye, all lit up at night...Kelsey and I had ridden to the top earlier!

So many fond memories, yet I find I must recall upon my own recollection as there is no written word.

Perhaps no written word was needed to describe the times we had together...the beer and friendship we all shared, and continue to cling onto despite not having the location of the magical city as our glue.

We have each other, our short months together, and a lifetime to remember and reconnect throughout our crazy adventures from different parts of the country, of the world.

Go big or go home.

As I recall, even at this point there were many tears to be had as we counted down the weeks until we must all depart. Tears over stupid boys and trivial things like class and wondering how our wallets are going to be at the end of our journeys abroad...

Thanksgiving was spent together. For most, it was our first Thanksgiving away from home; for the English, their first Thanksgiving ever.

So many fond memories which feel like yesterday. Yesteryear as it is called...yesteryear I was away, yesteryear is where my mind remains.

Haggis, neeps, and fried Mars bars for the hell of it. (flashback 6)

"Scotland was beautiful!"

Damn straight.

We traveled to Edinburgh and took the same train route as JK Rowling. On a scale of excitement from McKayla Maroney to seeing baby kittens a week after they're born, this tops out pretty close to the latter... Holy cricket, this is Scotland!

Made lots of friends, saw Loch Ness and stepped into the shallows to nab a rock, ate haggis, tried a fried Mars bar, and danced on the tables of the hostel during the great dance party with some locals. When in Scotland, you roll how the Scottish roll, which involves lots of stomping and standing on the highest bit of furniture which will hold your weight.

The following weekend took me to Amsterdam: 4 countries in a what seemed like one of the longest 12 hours... London to Dover, ferry to Calais (we all got seasick, joy), bus ride through Belgium, and into die Niederländer!

Edam and Volendam were nice little towns on Saturday morning. Much cheese was bought from our group... I was quite happy my Pesto cheese made it through customs at Newark Airport!

*Things I dare not post*

Thus concludes these adventures...with a plethora to come.

Mingling at the Mill (flashback 5)

One of our favorite places to go was The Mill on Mondays...good beer (aka cheap), Snakebites for £1.50 (lager+ cider + blackcurrant), and always an interesting mix of people, such as our buddy, Ben Fagg.

I had nearly forgotten about my museum hopping day in the city, nearly forgotten next to the late birthday celebrations of that night. Three museums and much exploration that day: the Museum of London, the British Museum, and the Victoria and Albert Museum, as well as some old ruins and a few markets. A typical day in the city is usually not so typical. There's something about the city which gives it that whimsical, dare I say it for fear of being cliché, magical aura.

The city is in shroud, but not in the cloudy sense which I rarely experienced. Cloudy?? Foggy?? London?? Psssh.

Walking around felt so surreal, little thoughts popping into my head, thinking of ridiculous stories of those I passed on the streets...this was home, I was home, and I had only been there for a few weeks. The city had sucked me in, taken me under its wing, and made me its own.

Yet, I always had that feeling at the back of my mind...nearly every entry ending with, or a brief mention, a whisper in the hallway of the cluster of events happening in my life, of Kurt: "I miss Kurt. I really do. And that scares me." "English guys....are so not Kurt."

Perhaps despite my attempts at thinking I was okay, tucked away in my magical getaway, I couldn't truly be home unless he was there. It was at this point I began to understand that home may not be a place. I thought I had finally found it in London, and maybe I had, but it could not be so without my other half.

We're all victims to our minds, ensnared within our thoughts, unable to escape but for the vices..."I feel like my trips are me scoping out places for Kurt & I to visit...dammit, I miss him wholeheartedly." Looking back through these posts, I've come to realize my terrible tendencies to lock myself away, unafraid to go on adventures, but fearful of letting myself be vulnerable in that raw sense.

Off to Scotland this weekend....mix of Mill, feelings, nostalgia, past&present.

"Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home." (Flashback 2)

Harry Potter Studios...my heart was beating so fast in anticipation.

A long train ride and bus ride later....

FYI: I cried before and after the tour.

Kelsey & I learning proper wand etiquette

*cold* Butterbeer!

Had to commit to the theatrical pose

"...curious, but where to put you?"

"After all this time?"

"Always."