Skepticism and Reflection

Geek.
Nerd.
Dork.
Bookworm.

All of these have been spit, hissed, and thrown at me as supposedly venomous words meant to damage my young ego and little girl feelings throughout grade school - words I typically took pride in regardless. Now, these very words are used as praise, mixed in with a reference to appearance, as though these attributes are only now acceptable as a direct correlation to my transformation into adulthood reminiscent to that of the ugly duckling {okay, I was only ugly when I was 2yo, then was just a little dingus afterwards}.

What makes sci-fi all of a sudden the "it" thing?? Personal reflection on this anthropological observation on popular culture to ensue...

Lookin' good front and center in 5th grade

I find it interesting that little girls are bullied for liking "nerdy" things, such as Star Wars and Harry Potter, insulted or told they're not "girly enough" for enjoying alone time surrounded by stacks of books, increasing vocabulary and exercising the mind and imagination. Perhaps this lends a hand in why I'm rather skeptical of compliments made on my appearance, albeit if a little kid says I look like poo or a princess, more than likely they're dead-on because kids have zero filter.

24 Champ/Record Maker & Harry Potter - 4th grade

Being geeky is now the new "cool," rivaling the equally "cool" {for lack of a better term} hipster, except now that geekiness has morphed to being sexy and geeky {think Princess Leia's iconic slave costume}. This whole phenomenon still mind-boggles me as in years past, a geek brought about thoughts of the chubby comic book guy from the Simpsons sitting around in his mother's dusty basement with his figurines and vacuum-sealed Marvels.

I'm of the mind that a woman's sexuality can be more than objectification and also be a sense of empowerment, always finding offense in the hypocrisy of men being praised for promiscuity and women scrutiny for simply kissing two different guys in a month {I embellish slightly, but you get the gist}. And hey, I want to be slave Leia for Halloween one year because Carrie Fisher's Leia is pretty BA, much like Lena Headey's Queen Gorgo from 300.

I find nothing wrong in someone wanting to be a sexy, fierce woman - emphasis on the fierce. As I've grown up, I've become increasingly weary of attention brought about from these curséd genetic curves, still lost in my little dorky realm of doing well intellectually, professionally as opposed to how my bum looks in a pair of trousers {although good bum days are a nice ego boost for my sole benefit}.

Hurray for a great pair of jeggings, my Chewbacca hat, and Star Wars socks!

Hmm perhaps my reflection is on thinking back, how much I've grown since leaving that small town where the cool kids weren't the brainiacs, but were just cool kids who thought I was nice but far from cool and not worth their time. My looks haven't shifted all that much, but my outlook on life has slightly....and my sense of style {thank goodness}. I'm not saying I'm a beauty queen {I can make a mighty fine double-chin any day}, but still feel like that awkward little kid who feels weird when her looks are randomly complimented - also may be in part to fuckboys stupid boys convincing me I could trust them against my reservations, only to have my soul temporarily cloven in two dilapidated pieces.

Non-sexy and practical - gotta love my Chewie hat.
{and screw winter chill}

Once again I could be overthinking many things, but I can't be the only 20-something year old who was considered a dingus in hs but has since grown wings and flown away from the nonsense, embracing their dork side.

I can't forget my roots, but I won't let someone else decide if I'm cool or not. All that matters is I know I'm a happy looney loner loser and my Mum thinks I'm rad.

xxxx

Happiness is not a feeling, but fleeting fragments of time

Music - one of the many joys of life, whether it be in the form of opera, country, rap, or even those sad songs, the latter to which I often tend to gravitate simply for the sake that i enjoy those crooning, near-tearful melodies.

I'm a weirdo, right?!

On happiness, in conjunction with life and its many expectations aka job, marriage, babies, bills, education, learning {both joined and separate from education}....happiness should be one for which we strive at least some of the time.

Contentedness often seems more obtainable, but those precious moments of pure, unadulterated happiness....wow. As Albus Dumbledore {aka J.K. Rowling} said, "happiness can be found even in the darkest of places, if only it remembers to turn on the light."

As I've struggled with that balance of doing what is expected of me and what makes me happy, I've realized how true this sounds -- yet another example of how profound Harry Potter truly is, but that can be saved for another time.

For now, I'm enjoying another omelette creation with salsa and hot sauce {the hotter, the better!} and importing some lovely new tunes and old favs to my iTunes whilst I prepare myself for another 11hr shift of day 13 out of the 19 day work streak I have going on. Yesterday was 14hrs between two jobs, so I can do this!

For the past few nights, relieve has come in the form of ditching the boulder holder in lieu of a comfy tee repping my friends in Paradrei.

For real, check them out.

Finished Devil's Star with some artichoke dip {still puzzled as to why there was no spinach in it....}. Onto Liza Palmer's "seeing me naked."

Business as usual....the Star Wars belt is always a nice touch.

Celebrating National Donut Day with this artery-clogging beauty because I'm worth it.

As a follow-up to the previous post about my recent disgusting "dieting," I've cleaned up my act, significantly reducing sugar intake to what it was before, as well as given up meat until further notice. I am, however, still consuming energy drinks at an alarming rate.....but have moved onto increasing water intake.

Increased water intake is significant for me in any amount....going from about 1oz. {no exaggeration here} to about 20oz. My bladder is not amused, but it'll mean more walking because of more bathroom trips. sneaky exercise

This {faux} leather dress is one of my all-time favorites! Again, Star Wars belt for shits and giggles, thrown together with my every-comfy leopard booties. I've become aware that most of my shoes are heels and thus would prove rather difficult, even for a heel professional as myself, for everyday work wear.

Hospitals are not small buildings....

This morning's current projects: uploading new {to me} mooooosik with some old favs. Some insight into my tastes. I enjoy sharing as much as I like to hear of others' preferences.

The gang's all here

• Breaking Benjamin
• Ed Sheeran
• The Fault in Our Stars soundtrack
• The Head and the Heart
• Kodaline
• Linkin Park
• Punk Goes Classic Rock {tingles thinking about this}
• The Ready Set
• Regina Spektor's new album
• Sam Smith
• Skylar Grey
• Three Days Grace
• Walk the Moon
• We the Kings <3

Yes, my OCD caused me to place these in alphabetical order. No shame. I just like being organized, which definitely helps for working in a library.

Hobey ho, let's go ^_^

"Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home." (Flashback 2)

Harry Potter Studios...my heart was beating so fast in anticipation.

A long train ride and bus ride later....

FYI: I cried before and after the tour.

Kelsey & I learning proper wand etiquette

*cold* Butterbeer!

Had to commit to the theatrical pose

"...curious, but where to put you?"

"After all this time?"

"Always."