Thursday, January 14, 2016

Skepticism and Reflection


All of these have been spit, hissed, and thrown at me as supposedly venomous words meant to damage my young ego and little girl feelings throughout grade school - words I typically took pride in regardless. Now, these very words are used as praise, mixed in with a reference to appearance, as though these attributes are only now acceptable as a direct correlation to my transformation into adulthood reminiscent to that of the ugly duckling {okay, I was only ugly when I was 2yo, then was just a little dingus afterwards}.

What makes sci-fi all of a sudden the "it" thing?? Personal reflection on this anthropological observation on popular culture to ensue...

Lookin' good front and center in 5th grade
I find it interesting that little girls are bullied for liking "nerdy" things, such as Star Wars and Harry Potter, insulted or told they're not "girly enough" for enjoying alone time surrounded by stacks of books, increasing vocabulary and exercising the mind and imagination. Perhaps this lends a hand in why I'm rather skeptical of compliments made on my appearance, albeit if a little kid says I look like poo or a princess, more than likely they're dead-on because kids have zero filter.

24 Champ/Record Maker & Harry Potter - 4th grade
Being geeky is now the new "cool," rivaling the equally "cool" {for lack of a better term} hipster, except now that geekiness has morphed to being sexy and geeky {think Princess Leia's iconic slave costume}. This whole phenomenon still mind-boggles me as in years past, a geek brought about thoughts of the chubby comic book guy from the Simpsons sitting around in his mother's dusty basement with his figurines and vacuum-sealed Marvels.

I'm of the mind that a woman's sexuality can be more than objectification and also be a sense of empowerment, always finding offense in the hypocrisy of men being praised for promiscuity and women scrutiny for simply kissing two different guys in a month {I embellish slightly, but you get the gist}. And hey, I want to be slave Leia for Halloween one year because Carrie Fisher's Leia is pretty BA, much like Lena Headey's Queen Gorgo from 300.

I find nothing wrong in someone wanting to be a sexy, fierce woman - emphasis on the fierce. As I've grown up, I've become increasingly weary of attention brought about from these curséd genetic curves, still lost in my little dorky realm of doing well intellectually, professionally as opposed to how my bum looks in a pair of trousers {although good bum days are a nice ego boost for my sole benefit}.

Hurray for a great pair of jeggings, my Chewbacca hat, and Star Wars socks!
Hmm perhaps my reflection is on thinking back, how much I've grown since leaving that small town where the cool kids weren't the brainiacs, but were just cool kids who thought I was nice but far from cool and not worth their time. My looks haven't shifted all that much, but my outlook on life has slightly....and my sense of style {thank goodness}. I'm not saying I'm a beauty queen {I can make a mighty fine double-chin any day}, but still feel like that awkward little kid who feels weird when her looks are randomly complimented - also may be in part to fuckboys stupid boys convincing me I could trust them against my reservations, only to have my soul temporarily cloven in two dilapidated pieces.

Non-sexy and practical - gotta love my Chewie hat.
{and screw winter chill}
Once again I could be overthinking many things, but I can't be the only 20-something year old who was considered a dingus in hs but has since grown wings and flown away from the nonsense, embracing their dork side.

I can't forget my roots, but I won't let someone else decide if I'm cool or not. All that matters is I know I'm a happy looney loner loser and my Mum thinks I'm rad.


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