Friday, January 29, 2016

Insomnia and Random Tear Facts

  • The composition of tears is similar to that of saliva.
  • Humans are the only animals to have emotional links to their crying {hmm...what about dogs, though?}.
  • Runny noses during a big blubber-fest are due to tears traveling through your schnoz and out of your eyeballs....

Random, yes. Relevant, equally yes.

I do find it fascinating how, without fail, humans have a tendency to look at themselves in the mirror to see the damage a great cry-fest has wreaked upon their visage. Red, puffy eyes and and a ruddy, beet red in the face = solid, thorough ugly-cry.

In this state, I shamelessly found myself for hours today....and yesterday....and Tuesday night....and a bit at work tonight while my poor {and kind} friend, Nickove, listened without any passing judgment at my semi-sensible jibberish. Breaking one of my personal rules of never letting any but a few see me cry, I blubbered at work, feeling somewhat pathetic and stupid, knowing I brought this upon myself by acting like a dingus and trying to answer everyone else's {virtual} cries for help as I drown in my own issues. I want to be a good friend, but need to work on better reading people and learning to be more mindful of others - don't we all?

Hmm perhaps I should add to that silly dating list I concocted in a previous post is that it's okay to ugly-cry and feel completely, and utterly lost in the world even when you're the one who kinda sucks {mega jab at myself}....more than likely, you're not the only one in that boat. Kind words from kind friends help take a bit of the sting out when you're stuck in the terrible rut of self-loathing for hurting another individual, and they remind yourself that you need to fix it because you broke it {again, mega jab at myself}.

Typically, I would comfort anyone upset and crying, but feel self-disgust at myself for breaking down in such a way, but sometimes crying is all we have left as an outlet. That release is much needed to avoid exploding and as I learned tonight, for someone special, all shame and fa├žade goes out the dang window...Nickove told me that even BAMFs break down sometimes and it doesn't mean we're any less of a toughie {as I'd like to think I am} if people see us crying - thank you to the kind male HSTs for leaving the room when they entered and saw me sobbing, and for not laughing at me, except for one, when I said I felt like a giant turd.

Dark days shall pass and I'm hoping the past few will become just that - a few dark days. In the meantime, heart will remain heavy...if I hurt somebody, it cuts me deeply as well, knowing I've inflicted pain upon another by being stupid and not thinking.

Perhaps I shall make sense to a few readers....any similar scenarios/situations/woeful tales? Hurray, my mum isn't my sole previewer as I had suspected for quite some time. Misery loves company, so please, by all means, feel free to share your times of being a complete and utter dingus so I don't feel like the only regretful, blundering idiot.

Once again, rambling into the wee hours of the morning, unable to sleep and belly oddly quiet despite not eating but a few small bites of buffalo chicken dip for brekkie. Who knew the heart and stomach had correlations in a woman? Okay, maybe I'm surprised due to my most ardent love of pizza-rolls being shoved to the wayside. If I love you more than pizza-rolls, that's saying something...

Dear sleep, take me swiftly and keep my mind's tendency to wander off into nightmares, at bay...albeit it's likely what I deserve.


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