Saturday, January 23, 2016


'Cause I might not last the night without you by my side tonight,
So, Superman, don't fly away from me-e.

Perhaps I'll need to learn, once again, how to be my own superhero, to save myself in troubled times... I feel as though I've forgotten how to do that, depending all too much in others to be that crutch to hold me up as I try not to spiral down into the dark abyss I abhor most ardently, still struggling with the fight against that evil plight cast from self-doubt and insecurity.

As the snow rushed about like I was entering hyperspeed in the Millennium Falcon, fear gripped tighter than my hands on the steering wheel, flashbacks of the January two years prior.... Admittedly, self-deprecating thoughts swirled through my mind, willing the road to claim me as its own as a means of sparing others from the unintentional destruction I so often cause.

We think of superheroes are elite, morals-following superior beings with modest humility, there to save the world and tackle anything life throws at them, when in reality, perhaps our own flawed, sometimes shitty, individual selves can be just the hero we need in our lives to pick us up from the bottom. {cue rap songs}

As I listened to the blood expelling throughout my body via my heart resounding in my eardrums, I couldn't help but feel somewhat empowered and free, letting fate take the wheel {sorry, Jesus} and seeing where it took me, for better or for worse, selfishly not giving a flying fig if anyone knew I had left work or not - okay, quite foolish in hindsight; sowwy, Mummy <3

Stubborn beings do what stubborn beings want/need to do and in taking that foolish leap of faith on the snow-ridden roadways, I inadvertently showed myself I can simultaneously take and lose control to regain that balance I so desperately crave. Take control of things I have the power to control and relinquish my failing grasp on those things which I cannot.

Yet again, I digress from the main topic - off on tangents in my own thought and cadence.

I'm making it through the long nights without a Superman by my side {see proverbial song lyrics up tippy top}, but that doesn't make it all the easier nor enjoyable albeit having Mr. Hippy helps. We all need solid relationships in our lives to share the burden and joys {yes, even introverts} of life, but if you're like me, you may all too often cling more to one person due to old habits or out of convenience when there may be others just as willing to lend a helping hand or listening ear, and we miss out on someone who may have a better grasp of the situation or may even have us figured out better than we do ourselves...

The concept of super beings and superheroes is one that intrigues humans as we seek some higher entity on earth to guide us and make everything better with a simple swish and flick and that may be a bit of the appeal. Hmm mind is at its wits' end as the wee hours of the night crash upon us and that's all I have for tonight.

More posts to come....after sleep and potential work shift which means risking the perils of the road again... >blech<


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