Sunday, January 31, 2016

Fluctuation of Feelings

Friday, I found myself yet again feeling a bit like a lost puppy...

Before work, I spent time ninja-scaling snow piles all in the name of navigating the sidewalks to the nearest Turkey Hill for my Monster Zero fix.

I finally had an inkling of a tummy rumble, my typically ever-hungry stomach fit for a 200lb man had been rather quiet despite the minimal nourishment over the past several days, my mood dipping down low enough to switch off the hunger light switch down in the depths of my tum tum. My sandwich proved unsatisfactory as nothing seemed to taste right nor exceptionally appealing as I mopped about, zombie-walking and coasting through the motions.

I know heartbreak to be a very real feeling, shaking my inner core and numbing the mind, bringing a sense of not knowing how to even feel....

Flipping through old notes in my phone, these still hold true from 15 Nov 2014, as I had my Favorite Sad Songs playlist looping on repeat, particularly I Can't Stop Drinking about You by Bebe Rexha, which resonates a tad about a delicious night echoing the activity suggested by the title.....
Maybe the reason I'm so attracted to those sad, lonely songs is because I can relate to their raw cry of sorrow which cannot be soothed but by what is lost and gone, time itself a futile attempt at suppressing the agony of piercing holes agape in the heart...and yet maybe I find myself willing my heart to mend itself by finding comfort in those lamenting words I've come to know so well.

Sad songs...can this please be a genre on Pandora?

Many more tears shed since the last post, but a few were happy, too....Shaking, convulsing, writhing in that mental, heartfelt pain that tears apart all sense of reality and surroundings.

However, I may yet have that happy ending we all crave {no, not that kind bought from a shady massage parlor}

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