Saturday, November 14, 2015

Root of my {anti-}socialism

Social anxiety is a relatively common occurrence, inflicting more 200,000 cases in the US annually {or roughly 1 in every 1,600 Americans}. While one may find comfort in numbers and statistics, social anxiety at any level can be stressful.

It's rather embarrassing, experiencing that griping, debilitating feeling of fear, rushing heart, panic...especially when it's around friends or family. That over-stimulation of people all around, even if they're all friendly. Hyperventilating and worrying someone will notice as you frantically attempt to cover any symptoms by controlling your breath and contorting your face into a convincing smile.

I admit I've missed out on many things, or simply made an excuse not to go to something so as to avoid these feelings...overcome with the buildup of anxietal pressure inside my mind and heavy on my consciousness. In the past, both Tree and Lovely have witnessed this: I was lucky in that they were understanding in my discomfort, holding my hand and making sure I was okay in order to aid me as I struggled to unfreeze from this mental paralysis.

In solitude I've often sought solace in order to recharge and put myself back together, giving countless inner-thought prep thoughts to tell myself I'm A-OK, but it comes in waves of varying degree and strength. At times, I feel on top of the world, at others, it seems as though I'd rather be knocked upside the head or feel a few capfuls of Captain rather tempting as means to overcome the discomfort and mental spasms going on as all of the wrong types of fireworks go off in my head.

Written articulation seems to come in handy as an outlet for inner turmoil so perhaps that's why people I know have found it odd and difficult to believe I'm not a people-person nor an extrovert in the least... Social media presence paints a more outgoing persona, which I hold onto as a shell and is still very much a part of me, but one I exude as opposed to showing the tizzies I occasionally experience, locked inside my own thoughts.

There's a reason for the appeal to staying in bed: minimal social interaction means less risk of feeling overwhelmed.

And so that's my little confession time, dear readers...hopefully you don't think any less of me for being a looney loser loner with bouts of social anxiety.

Auf wiederlesen, meine Lieblings!

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