Saturday, May 16, 2015

Inner Thoughts of Loneliness

Loneliness is a curious creature, skulking about and lurking in the most inopportune moments.... It seems to rarely rear its ugly bitter head when there is no one around us, but rather when we are surrounded by bodies while shrouded by our inner thoughts. Perhaps it revers itself as a clever beast, casting its shadow when one is at a vulnerable point, often when one is feeling pensive and reflective of life, noticing that not all is as well as it seems or as social media perceives it to be.

Loneliness may hide in memories, fond memories at that. These fond memories remind us of what has past, what once was, and what shall very likely never be again, such as feeling crazy&wild, near the point of raving lunatic, in love with someone, that feverish feeling never quite returning to that splendid peak it had with someone carefree and open to the world since it was being combated with that special One. Even when that person is no longer in our lives to the same degree, we still crave those strong feelings of desire, both innocent and sexual. These feelings can be intoxicating, that person addictive. Once that addiction has healed, the addicted feel like half themselves...

At times I feel lonely, an odd sensation for one who loves solo adventures and enjoys the pleasure of my own company for dinner. Ironically, I can spend the entire day alone and not feel lonely, but it is often when I am surrounded by people for too long that I begin to feel these pangs of awkwardness and the inner loner begins to take over, longing for something....something I cannot name as I do not know how to feel this void from which I keep running.

Loneliness is not a pleasant feeling since I rarely have felt its little tethers before in my life, save for the past year and a half. And so it goes.

Tomorrow calls for another solo adventure, my odd little cure for this temporary mind blocks of feeling lonely. And so it goes.

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