Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Birthday Blues

Nobody likes you when you're 23....

With my birthday around the corner {T-minus 13hrs to be precise}, I have a sinking dread....of growing old and while I'm content with the laugh lines beginning to show around my eyes already, it's the wasted time I'll never get back that has me bummed.

Life always has a way of veering off course than how we imagined and I never thought I would be where I am, both a good and bad thing. I'm lucky to have a steady, albeit hectic, managerial position at this age, yet I'm not doing what I've always wanted to do: travel.

At the ripe ol' age of 22 {I still have a few hours, thank you very much}, I feel as though the clock is ticking and I'm not fulfilling my potential, so in a sense, yes, I feel old because of those thoughts...

This year, I'm skipping town to explore an unknown city on my own: a sanity trip to just think and numb some of the wanderlust pangs of pain I feel at times. While not a diagnosable disease, wanderlust can have some terrible side effects, i.e. anxiety, boredom, bouts of depression...

The aftermath of exploring a strange new town hacks away on such a large portion of my anxiety... Sure, the work stress is still there, but it becomes more manageable because I'm happier after a trip.

Traveling grants mental relief and recharge. 

Noms with sissy @Houli's!
I wasn't planning on really celebrating my birthday, simply getting the hell out of town is enough. I don't see it as anything special nor noteworthy. If anything, I get more excited about celebrating other people's womb-liberation day and reminding them how much their loved and how happy I am that they were the fastest swimmer once.

Since my mum has had the misfortune of dealing with my shenanigans, idiocy, and insolence throughout the years, I told her I didn't want nor need anything for my birthday if she was planning on getting anything...just my little gold backpack mailed to my apartment since I had forgotten it last time I was home.

Naturally, she's stubborn like I am and super kind to boot, and went out of her way to send packages...aaaand I just feel all the more bratty and un-deserving of her love since I'm already a great burden.

Quite surprised by a beautiful bouquet of flowers sent by my bestie, Heidi. As they were sent to my work, I was half-worried someone had died and this was how the news was being sent to me, or I had a stalker.

That's where my mind goes at times: extreme absurdities.

I digress...I felt quite touched and a few tears welled up in my eyes when I read the card from my dear best friend who wanted me to be totally surprised and feel special, which I most certainly was and did! ^_^

Feeling loved, alone, and content, and ready to take on the world.

Side note: In preparation for my solo adventure, perhaps I should actually get out of bed and put on some pants today.

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